Losing You
by Miss-Charisma-cullen
Summary: Bella and Edward were once friend until something happened to Bella. No Friends, nobody to turn to, everyone thinks Bella tried to seduce Jessica's boyfriend. Will anybody unravel the truth about her pain. Contains rape and abuse.
1. Nightmares

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the characters in this story.

Bella and Edward used to be best friends. But something happened to Bella. Nobody knows what's wrong with her so they pack her in and leave her to it. Will anybody unravel the truth or will it stay hidden forever? Will she always be tortured and bullied inside and outside of school, or will Edward help her... contains rape and abuse

**Bella's POV**

"You'll never be wanted Bella, Never be needed, you should thank me for taking such an ugly disobedient slut, you're unworthy" I stared into his eyes, his crimson red, malicious eyes.

I Promptly sat up from my bed.

Those words, Those horrible words had been the lyrics I've had to listen to day in and day out for a very long time.

It's all too much, all of this, It's getting to much for me to handle, i rarely sleep because of the nightmares. This insomnia, it's exhausting, but I can't fix it.

The nightmare i am used to seeing each night still brings tears and shivers to me, the nasty and truthful words that he whispered to me that night, while he stole my innocence and abused me, still haunt me to this day.

He whispered those haunting words, and they were going to be held with me forever. How could i let such a vicious, sickening animal touch me and claim me like that.

I still do though, Every once in a while he comes back to me, and I can't say no because if I do.

"THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY."

Review… Xx


	2. remembering

_._

_I_ arrived at school at eight O'clock and stay hidden in my car until the bell rings.

If I hide until classes begin I don't have to worry about any taunting or teasing from anyone.

When I reach my registration classroom I sit down quietly. No-one in this room will try anything on me in here, not with Ms Atkinson standing towards the front of the classroom.

Ms Atkinson, my favourite Teacher, though very naïve and quite, she always had words of comfort, knowledge of when someone is down. She see's everyone.

I don't want to stand out, I just want to get through High school life alive, and by doing that I have to stay out of sight away from anything that could bring attention upon myself.

I glance towards the front row of the classroom. I used to sit there with Lauren, Jessica and Angela. Not now though.

We were once extremely close friends.

Lauren and Jessica were always bratty, selfish people with no care for others, I guess I can't talk though. There was a time when I was practically the same. Shallow.

They are both very lucky with their features, both completely opposite in looks. While Lauren has blonde hair that lays just below her breasts, Jessica had mid length brunette hair with light brown highlights, they lay softly in natural curls.

Lauren has a sculptured face, perfect cheek bones and lips, one would most likely place her under the pretty category other than attractive, whereas Jessica was freckly and round faced but in a very attractive way.

However Lauren and Jessica ruin themselves by coming to school in short skirts small enough to be belts, and the smallest tops that leaves nothing to the imagination.

How could I have ever been like them. I'm ashamed of how I was back then to be honest. Wouldn't you be? Infact, I believe that my would be that much better if I hadn't have been like them. Maybe HE would have left me alone.

With My face plastered in make-up and tan coated all over me I would walk down the Hallways to meet Edward and his Family. How could he have befriended me? He always told me I didn't have to wear such revealing clothes but I never listened.

Then that night happened and everything changed for the worse because I couldn't speak up.

People asked me what was wrong, tried to get me to talk, i might as well have had my mouth stitched together because i never even used my mouth unless it was a plea or beg James.

Who is James you'll probably ask.

well James is now best friends with the soccer team captain and the one that raped and still continues to rape me.

You see Edward is the captain of the football team and the most popular guy in school. We were once attached at the hip, Best friends. James leapt at the chance to get even higher in the school chain and voila forks high welcomes James to second most popular guy in the school, and i get placed at the bottom of the chain because of something he did.

I could never explain how much anger and sinful feelings i hold for that Boy and I'll never stop holding i, because I'm the weaker one, i can never stop him from belittling me and ruling higher over me.

I probably deserve it because i don't even try and stop it anymore.

The teacher starts the register and i slowly let my mind drift off in a daydream.

I keep thinking about the last summer and a how much everything has changed. The way Edward and I would spend every night together, every moment was about him. I loved him.

_"Do you ever imagine what it'd be like if we just up and left. Saw the world for ourselves and experienced different things for the first time?" Edward and i lay under the stars in the middle of our secret place. Our Meadow._

_" Yeah Edward i guess i do….it's like everything is planed here, sometimes i dream about getting out there and doing all those things I've wanted to do. Just Get out of my mom's life, forget all about the men i wake up to in the morning, my mom's new stud of the week. I wonder what it'd be like to go walking along the beach at night…. holding my lovers hand and listening to the calm waves come and go as they please, yeah, Edward I think about it all the time."_

I want those times back, honestly I do. There is nothing I wouldn't give to just turn back time, be someone different. I can't though and the fact of the matter is that Edward is part of the reason I'm in this place.

It makes one Question our years of friendship. Did he ever honestly care as much as I did?

.

As the bell rings I instantly snap out of my thinking, I stand up and walk to the door but just before i get there Lauren sticks her foot out and i trip. I fall so hard I can't feel anything for a second.

Everyone Is laughing at me, even Edward. I gather myself together and walk out the door. Holding my things close to my body as I make my way too my class room, I Imagine what it would be like to walk the hallways happy again.

Sometimes i wonder how Edward became so cruel. He was so protective over me, and then all of a sudden he was getting his girlfriends to beat me up and play jokes on me, laughing at me. That wasn't my best friend at all, i just wanted him back. Where was my bestfriend? What happened to the person I loved so irrevocably.

Even if he's mean to me I still love him. I'm a fool for loving him, but at the same time i hate him.

If he knew what I've been through surely he wouldn't treat me this way?

Or maybe he would. I wonder sometimes if he found out, would my life be the same? I suppose he'd be ashamed of me, even I'm ashamed of myself so I can't see why not.

Looking up at the large school clock on the wall, I realise I'm late for Biology.

As I reach the classroom I suddenly think to myself that I shouldn't have hurried because when I peer inside and find everyone lined up to the side of the classroom, I realize that we are being assigned a new seating plan.

_No Please, Not again. _

Sitting Next to Jason these Last few months had been fine, why did our Teacher have to change things? Now I could be sitting next to anyone, Even James.

I feel my heart sink as I think of all the people I could be placed next to. James… the Cullens.. Jessica, Lauren… the list Just goes on.

Ever since That night They've hated me and I Know why they do, What I can't understand is though, is how they were so quick too judge. I guess some of them gave me a chance to explain, I just couldn't tell them.

.

I wait for my name to be called as Mr banner goes through a list of students.

"Jessica, Lauren" "Rosalie, Emmet" "Jason, Emma" "Angela, James" All i have to get past now is a few more.

"Alice, Jasper, Edward and Bella."

All I can think to myself is, is this really happening to me? Don't you question whether there really is a God sometimes? Because if there was, surely he wouldn't put me through anything else would he?

As I take my seat next to Edward I keep my head down so as not to catch his eyes. Hearing sniggering around the classroom, I instantly know it's about me. I'm always a punch line to their jokes, do they have nothing better to do? I notice a scrunched up piece of paper fall from Jessica's Table so I stick my foot out and drag it over to me so I can pick it up.

Poor little Bella

.

She ugly, shy and fat

.

Nobody pays attention

.

She's smellier than a rat

.

Nobody wants to get close.

.

Just in case she burns their eyes

.

She's unwanted and unneeded

.

Well that's a big surprise

.

She needs to die and go to hell

.

Because that's the only place she should go

.

She's just a piece of dirt

.

Our very own school Ho.

I try not to let the tears roll escape my Eyes as i read it.

I look to my left and see Edward staring at me, It's almost as if his eyes are filled with disbelief.

I can't contain my feelings much longer so i gather my stuff and run out of the classroom.

I shouldn't let them get to me, but I do anyhow.

Do you want to know why they hurt me like this?

Yes one reason is because I ignored their phone calls and messages but, the other reason is because Jessica was dating James whilst he hurt and abused me.

We were at a party down at La push and practically everyone from Forks high school were there. It was a party for the beginning of the new school year.

**Flashback**** 3rd person**

**It was the night of the back to school party, organised by mike and a few of his friends down in La Push.**

**Everyone was going to be there. **

**Bella and Edward arrived at the party around Eight o'clock and the party was already in full swing, Bella was dressed in a short halter neck midnight blue dress that came just higher that her mid thigh and showed off her perfect tan legs leaving little to the Imagination and Edward was dressed in a shirt and jeans.**

"**Hey guys you made it!, we've been waiting for like ever." Lauren spoke with her nasally accent.**

"**Yeah we're here finally, how's everybody liking the party?."**

"** most of us are enjoying it, except Jessica's had a falling out with James again. I don't know what's like wrong with them, they're like perfect together." Jessica and James were always falling out though it only took about a day and then they were both putty in each other's arms again.**

"**I'm going to go get a drink okay?, I'll see you in a sec." Bella rubbed Edward's arm and walked into the house and grabbed some water from the kitchen.**

"**Hey here you go Edward, I'm just going to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back, last time and then I won't move for at least ten minutes." she teased. **

**When Bella was finished with the bathroom she started to move through the hall heading back for the stairs, but before she could make it there an arm came out and pulled her into one of the bedrooms.**

**Convinced that it was mike playing a game on her Bella tried to make a joke out of it.**

"**Hey mike, what are you doing the party's downstairs" He didn't answer and Bella was getting more anxious by the minute.**

"**Mi-mike" **

**A hand reached out to her and pulled her backwards. She stumbled and reached out to the wall to try and find where the handle was on the door, But she couldn't even find the door.**

"**Shh Bella" his fingers moved up her arm and around her shoulder. She tried to pull and shove away but he was too strong for her.**

"**Please! leave me alone, get off don't do this" his hands were on waist band of her underwear through her dress, and the other went to the tie around her neck.**

**Her dress quickly fell to the floor.**

"**Shh Bella, we're meant to be. Don't you see, we're meant to be." she recognised his voice this time and was horrified by who she found it to be.**

**James priestly.**

"**James, James! don't please, you don't want to do this, Think of Jessica, no don't, I don't want this, GET OFF! Please!" she began to beg, The desperation in her Voice should have been enough to Snap James out of it, but it was already too late. James had already pushed her on the bed and was holding her down whilst removing her underwear.**

**His fingers probed her entrance and fondled her as if she were nothing but a rag doll. He was rough and angry as he took her virginity then and there with Taking no care at all.**

**Bella kicked numerous times and pushed but he wouldn't give and in the end she gave in and let him have his way, she let him win and when it was over and she went to leave and retrieve her clothing James grabbed her and held her again. She thrashed and screamed but the music downstairs was still too loud. Nobody could hear.**

**She turned her head yelling and James couldn't take it anymore and pushed his finger on the pressure point in her neck she fell instantly and James tucked her up beside him and draped the covers over them, a greedy smile left on his face.**

**Bella awoke to a door opening, and a loud gasp.**

**She looked down at her appearance and found herself half dressed in her dress with James asleep in a chair across the room fully clothed.**

"**What the HELL is going on?" Bella looked to the door and saw Lauren, Jessica, Mike and Edward in the door gaping.**

**She knew what it must look like but there was no way they could actually think...**

**James awoke and widened his eyes in fake surprise.**

"**Jessica listen I didn't do anything, it was Bella, all Bella, she came onto me last night, started undressing and trying to touch me, I tried to push her away and told her to stop but she wouldn't so i sat in the chair in the room and ignored her.**

**She fell asleep on the bed half naked and i didn't want her to be taken advantage of, baby i would never do anything to hurt you, you know i love you." Jessica's eyes turned to Bella and she glared.**

"**You Little whore, we're supposed to be friends and you abuse our friend ship like that!"**

"**No Jessica, please, I -I d-didnt do" **

"**Didn't what Bella? Try and get my boyfriend into bed by acting like a slut? You always do this Bella, you've always been jealous of me you little Ho!"**

**Bella had tears running down her face when Jessica finished.**

**why wouldn't they let her say anything? They needed to know the truth, to know that she had been grappled and raped and touched by that monster.**

**Jessica walked out the room with James in tow.**

**Lauren walked up to Bella lifted her hand and slapped her so hard Bella thought her brain had shook inside her head.**

**She left with mike which left only Edward standing and staring at Bella. **

"**Edward I, I didn't-didn't do, I didn't do what he said, iii-"**

" **Save your words for somebody who believes you! You didn't do all those things that we had just heard, you didn't try and bed James, you didn't betray your friendship and trust to Jessica, i don't want to hear it, You're a slut, don't ever come near me or any of us again." his face was angered as he left the room.**

**Bella cried so hard she felt as if her head would explode, she couldn't believe her best friend had called her a slut without even hearing her out.**

**She got dressed and walked out of the house with her head down.**

**She had gone to the party with Edward with his car so now she had no way to get home. So Bella did what any other person would do, she started walking.**

**Bella made it home at 6:30 in the morning, she had been walking and catching buses, and rides all night and she was completely and utterly drained, emotionally and physically.**

_She just wanted to curl up into a ball and die._


	3. The Darkness

The day Has gone much slower Than usual and I Haven't even made it to my car yet.

. I won't let them get me this time. I don't think my body can take much more pain.

Dark rings below my eyes , a paleness to my face that almost makes me look porcelain and a dark blue colour around my eye that had been carefully covered with makeup is what I see as I peer into the rounded mirror on my wall.

I sigh and gather my All Star backpack from the floor, and walk out of the bathroom.

I look around to see if there is anyone that is a threat to me.

There is no one so i quickly walk to the school opening and head towards the car park. Just as i am about to reach my red trucks handle, i hear my name yelled the voice sounds familiar and i try to fumble with my keys from my pocket as quickly as possible.

"Hey slut, I'm talking to you, don't be a rude bitch turn aroundand listen to what i have to say." the familiar voice was Lauren.

Lauren has become one of my tormentors of late, she has no feelings of guilt when she hurts me and takes a great deal of happiness in watching me be beat around by all of her "friends."

They aren't really her friends they are just too scared shitless to do anything about it. The deal is she tells them what to do; they do it no questions asked.

I tell myself that one day she'll just stop, she'll turn around and walk up to me and say sorry and hug me, of course I'm kidding myself i know that it's never going to happen, but it is nice to Dream of a better world isn't it?

Dreams are all i have at the moment, Dreams. Dreams are what make me want to keep fighting, living, because at least my dreams are something that are mine and only mine. I can make them up for myself. I want my old life back. Words can simply not describe how much I desire for things to be better.

Yet This one thing, the only thing I want is so unreachable. It almost feels as if my old life is just a hoax, a dream.. Something I've made up to escape my awful life.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, Lauren.

I turn around and without even having the chance to blink my eye is caught with Lauren's fist.

Tumbling back hitting my car i reach up and touch my hand to my eye wincing, _Ouch!._

Collapsing to the ground out of dizziness as I hold my legs in a protective position taking Lauren's torment.

I feel numerous kicks and punches from different people, and just lay on the floor lifeless. It is times like these where it would be so easy to take a bottle of pills, a bottle of vodka and just drift away.

"Lauren, please just stop, please, I didn't do anyth-" she cut me off by punching me in the face.

I start to see black spots clouding my vision and i know that i will be out in a few seconds.

It only takes one more punch and I'm gone. I fade into the darkness and forget about the pain.

When i awake it is dark and the clouds are grey. I'm still in the parking lot on the floor.

My body has been forced onto the gravel on the floor, leaving indents all along my arm.

I try to stand but i can't seem to find the strength to move. I'm almost too scared to move because i don't know the extent of my latest damage, and i don't really want to find out.

I close my eyes for a second and feel a rain drop on my nose and then another and another.

This is probably the best time to move, and yet i still can't stand. I sit up and lean against my truck and let my tears and the rain cascade down my face.

**Was this how it was always going to be?**

**.**

**Hope you liked it please review. ****Love charisma xXx**


	4. Dear Diary

.

I arrive home at ten pm and creep into my house quietly.

I hear Noises and banging upstairs, and instantly know that it is my mom's new flavour of the week.

I sigh out in frustration and pain and walk to the stairs quietly retreating to my bedroom. Our house is Quite big because my father's side of the family is all quite well off so the mortgage was paid of quickly to. It has five Floors, seven bathrooms, 8 bedrooms, a swimming pool, tennis court and a theatre.

To be quite honest, our house is a ridiculous size but almost everybody's houses is in forks. You see even though the town is small, the families are still very rich, so nobody feels out of place. Anyone that lives outside of forks and is looking in on us, would think that our lives must be perfect because we have everything we want, but the truth is, this town is probably filled with so many haunting secrets, mine probably the least of the problem.

My bedroom portrays the complete opposite of how my life is. It is full of life, It's bright and peaceful.

My room is painted a pale pink with cream and chocolate coloured accessories decorating the room.. It may sound somewhat babyish, but to me it is my haven and my heaven. My bedroom is a place where I don't have to worry about anything. I can listen to music for hours on end and sing for as long as i want because nobody can hurt me in my safe place. That's what my dad Charlie used to say before i went to sleep every night before he died, and I've repeated it to myself every night since then.

My dad, chief of police here in forks until he died.. Everybody looked up to him because he was kind and courageous. Everyone saw my father as the town "guardian". Sometimes that makes me laugh because even though he's gone now, it still makes me wonder how he couldn't be guarding me from above because if he was, he wouldn't let James hurt me and he wouldn't stand for me being beaten by people at school.

I can't really say anything bad about my dad because in the end he will always be the one that gets me through.

Whenever i think about him I always remember what he'd say when i was unhappy or disappointed.

He'd always give me a long hug and then a big speech about how people are always getting hurt and disappointed , But just imagine how many jobless people we'd have in the world if everyone just gave up without trying for something.

He always did have a way with words.

I walk over to my bed and sit down for a minute. Would this nightmare ever stop? I'm completely alone. My mom spends the whole week in bed with a different guy and I have no friends at school so i am utterly left alone in this world.

I honestly don't have anyone. Would anyone even notice if I wasn't there tomorrow? Or would I just be remember because The daily person people bully each day in school is no longer there.

I heave a sigh and then get up and limp into my bathroom. I look in the mirror and finally see the extent of the damage through my half cracked mirror. Last week I decided to take my frustration out on my reflection but even with that large crack in my reflection it is hard to not notice the bruising covering my face. I reach into the cupboard on the side of the bathroom and take out my first aid kit.

I place a bit of cotton wool coated in sterile water on a long cut that is strewn across my forehead. Lauren must have caught her ring on me when she hit me. _Great! Just Great. Thank you very much Lauren._

Once I'm finished cleaning i walk back into my room and lean against the wall on my bed. I pick my diary up off the bedside table and open it up. Only my diary and James know the truth and it is helpful to have someone or something to write about it to.

Writing in my diary gives me a little sense of relief, but not a lot.

_Dear Katie today was terrible, worse than any other day so far. I've never blacked out from anything Lauren has done to me before and the beatings are getting worse and worse. I have a huge cut from Lauren along my forehead and dark purple bruises over my body._

_I didn't see James today, although I'm quite confident that he has been watching me, Trying to pick out just one tiny mistake for which he could punish me. It isn't fair! Why did he have to pick me? I never did anything to him. I don't understand how Edward someone who i thought had a kind and warm heart could ever be friends with someone so sick and vile. _

_I know it's stupid, but i still love Edward._

_I guess there really is a very thin line between love and hate and i think I'm on that line._

_I love him so much i feel like if i look at him just once my heart could shatter, and yet i hate with so much anger that at this moment i feel i could just take a gun and shoot him. _

_It's like I want to push him off the edge of a cliff but run to the bottom as quick as possible just to catch him._

_Why does life have to be so complicated and hurtful? Sometimes i question whether my life is even worth living anymore. "You're a slut, you don't belong her" "don't ever come near us again" "nothing but an unwanted whore" I can't stand to hear those things anymore Katie. I'm almost starting to believe it, each day I'm getting a little bit closer to insanity. _

_Honestly I feel horrible because even though i love my mother, i still feel that all of those comments are summarizing her and not me. _

_The only person who knows of my mother's weekly sex buddies is Edward and I'm pretty sure he'll probably use it against me in the near future._

I closes my book and place it on the side table, pull my covers back on my bed and crawl into it.

I close my eyes and try to feign sleep but it never comes. It always comes unexpectedly with nightmares and fears.

**Ok so i hope you all liked it please, please review! x**


	5. Kieran

Chapter 5

.

I awake with a jolt. Another nightmare. Why can't I just get one good night's sleep?

I walk into my bathroom and turn the shower on to its highest Temperature.

Stripping my clothes off that i had left on from last night; I slowly step into the shower... The water is scolding hot, just the way I like it. The only way I feel even partially clean from James's touch is if i have hot water and scrub away all the dirty touches from James.

Like if I wash enough, the feeling of his fingers will just disappear, it never does though, because James comes back each week anyway.

James stays at my house for the whole of the weekends. My mom works out in Seattle on weekends because of her job, so I'm left alone. Deep down I know that my mom cares about me, atleast I like to think she does.

I just think that the care a mother should normally show for a daughter is covered with a lot of grief kept for my father.

She forgot about me after the accident… Didn't talk to me for months.. I think you just get used to things that become a constant everyday routine.

My Father died trying to save lives, which was his love. A Department store was held up in a robbery one Saturday.. It just happened to be the one he was in, and then.. just like that he was gone. Dead.

It was like my Mom just died a little each day after that, She'd go out for hours on end at night drinking, then come home with a man either half her age or double. Sometimes she would even come home with more than one guy.

I wake up every morning and go downstairs to find a guy saying "Hi I'm your mom's new boyfriend" all i can think is " boyfriend my ass, listen buddy if you think you going to stick around for more than a week you must be crazy".

Of course i don't say that, James has taught me that talking back is the last thing i should do because it either earns me a kick or a slap.

I'm scared..I'm scared of everything, especially boys.

All I can think is " wil I ever get out of here? Am I never going to be able to get a husband because of my fear to be touched. ...- I let the water wash over me, and take in the peace for once. Placing my foot out of the shower after thirty minutes, I grab my clothes, a pair of black jogging bottoms, a pink t-shirt, and my sneakers.

I'm not a Goth . Just because my life is a mess, doesn't mean i was going to start wearing black to express my emotions, I'm pretty sure my face does that just fine.

If I'm going to kill myself, I'm not going to do it by making tiny slits across my wrists until I finally go deep enough, id make it quick with a bottle of vodka and a tub of pills. It might not be too quick but i can assure you that it is a lot quicker than months of cutting.

**(Everything i say in this story has nothing to do with my personal beliefs or thoughts on self-harm or anything, but i want Bella's point of view about cutting to be non-existent).**

As I make my way down the five sets of stairs to the floor of the kitchen I look up and just Like clockwork There in the middle of my kitchen is one of the boys from my school clad in nothing but a towel.

I sigh in disgust and walk to the far end of the kitchen to the cupboard.

After putting a bagel in the toaster i turn around.

Kieran a boy from my school is staring at me, probably in surprise.

No one really knows where i live, well just the people I used to be friends with do.

"Hey Bella right?" I roll my eyes.

"Yeah Bella" i hear the bagel pop and turn to get it.

Sitting at the kitchen counter beginning to eat, he speaks again.

"So that's your mom up there. She pretty young isn't she?" his eye brows furrowed and i just roll my eyes at him again..

"I suppose she is for a mom of a sixteen year old" The tone of my voice is emotionless.

He sits down opposite me and continues to stare.

"What are you staring at and why are you still here? You've done the deed why don't you just go? "

.

"Well one: I'm still in a towel and Two: i want to get to know you, the only thing i know about you is the rumours I've heard about you at school."

"And I bet that small little brain of yours believes them all right?" he shook his head.

"The way i see it, you can never be sure what someone has told you is the truth, unless you hear it from the horse's mouth, and even then you can't always trust it. You don't know how many people the rumour has been through before it gets to you so you don't know how many times the gossip has changed."

"I like your thoughts, but we both know you almost certainly believe them"

"Not true, but I'd probably believe what you tell me" he raises his eye brows in question...

"All I'm going to say is that… - people aren't always what they seem and just because right in front of you someone seems kind and collected, doesn't mean that they're like that behind closed doors, i would know"

.

"So it's not true?"

"No its not, I'm not a slut like everyone thinks but as if my words are going to change anything. People are ignorant and believe the first thing that they are told, who am I to tell them any different."

"It's always worth a try Bella." he pauses for a minute.

"What did happen the night of the party then?" i raise my eyebrows also at him and then exhale noisily.

"Let's just say James isn't the innocent one."

"What do you mean he's not innocent, what did he do? It can't be that bad, i mean you're the one who supposedly chose to seduce him aren't you?" I knew it, he believes all of those lies, he's just like all the others.

Tears buzz to the surface of my eyes as i relive the memory of what had happened.

"Just leave it! I knew you wouldn't understand" I stand up and grab my bag from the chair besides me.

"Hey wait up! I'm sorry I didn't mean to judge." he tries to reach for my arm but i step back out of his reach, i don't want him to hit me, James tells me i can never walk away.

.

I step back again because he moves closer.

Before I know it I'm curled up on the floor in fear and crying quietly.

"I'm sorry, i didn't mean it, I'm sorry don't hurt me." i repeat it over and over and Kieran looks so confused. He sits down on the floor and reaches for my hand. I flinch, but he doesn't let go.

"Bella" he whispers.

"I'm not going to hurt you, you don't have to be sorry it's my fault, I'm sorry" he's apologising; Looking up into his eyes I see one thing that I haven't seen in a very long time, Sincerity.

My crying slows and turns to trickle's of tears, so he reaches up and wips a tear away with his thumb.

As he stands up he offers me a hand, I take it and raise up next to him.

"Thank you, i- i erm I've got to go" i run for the door and hear him yell.

"BELLA, wait please" i carry on out the door to my truck and pull out of the drive. Nobody has been so nice to me since what happened and it feels good to finally talk to someone.

With that i start my car and make my way to school.

**Hope you liked it. Kieran is going to be a friend of Bella's but not a boyfriend in the future because this is a Bella and Edward story. Please review. Love charisma**


	6. She deserves it

**Ok so this isnt the best chapter, i promise the next will be better, hope you like it :)**

**.**

It took me about twenty minutes to reach the school parking lot, and the only thing i had been able to think about was Kieran.I was still completely and utterly surprised with how nice he was too me.

Telling me that he didn't believe all the lies and rumours about me made me feel in a way a tinsy bit stronger.

The strong kind of disappeared once i allowed my self to think straight, it was obvious that we could never be friends, because first of all, Kieran is popular at the school and there is no way he would let that all go to hell, and second, why would anyone want to hang around with me once they find out I was raped. I can see it now school headlines "slut raped by jock" or the sympathy and hate in people's eyes, they'll think i had it coming.

I got out of my old broken down truck and walked into the school doors. I still had half an hour left till school started so i decided to go to the library, the library was open from seven every day so i always went their if i had free time.

I took out my book from my bag and sat down. I'm reading, withering heights. AGAIN.

Its my favourite story, kind of like my security blanket too, because i take it every where. I had been reading for about twenty five minutes when i decided to make a quick trip to my locker before i went to homeroom.

When i reached my locker i put the code in, pulled it open and was hit by surprise and sadness. My hole locker was where i stored all of my school books and school supplies, and now they were all ripped into little pieces, I let a stray tear role down my face, i reached up and caught it with my finger.

This is a living hell, living in this town with all these people i cant take it any more, going to this school and having Lauren bully me everyday is getting so much worse, and its starting to make me wonder, how long I'm going to be able to handle it,

Its Friday so James is going to be at my house. I shivered at the thought of what James was going to do to me.

The bell rang and it knocked me out of my thoughts, i closed my locker and headed for homeroom.

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The day went slow and it was all i could do just to pick my bag up and walk out the classroom, i suppose the worry and fear was getting to me.

I ran quickly for my car in hope of missing Lauren, and i did, for the first time in the last six months, i was able to escape Lauren's wrath and it lightened my day just a little. I drove home in the rain, forks was always rainy, if there was one of the many things i hated about forks, it was the rain.

When i reached my house i saw James's car, but also next to it, i saw someone else's car, i couldn't remember whose it was but i was pretty sure someone owned a silver Volvo from school.

I shivered again, what where they going to do to me, was James going to let them hurt me like he did. So many questions filled my mind as i walked up to the door, i place my key inside my lock and opened it. I heard the television on and hoped to god that was all they where going to do.

I walked past the living room and stood frozen. The person in my living room was EDWARD CULLEN.

OH my god, what am i going to do.

"Hey you little slut get in here" i heard James's voice and quickly walked into my living room, my head looking down to the floor.

"Yes?" i was wondering what he would want, surely Edward wouldn't be as cruel as James, Edward could never hurt anyone like that.

"Get us some beers will ya and i want dinner ready for Five-thirty" i looked up at him.

"What would you like for dinner?" i didn't want to make him just anything because then id pay for it later, James always taught me to ask.

"ERm fish, yeah fish sounds good"

"Is Edward staying for dinner?" he raised an eyebrow at me and then grinned.

"yeah he is, and he's staying for the whole weekend" my heart fluttered, maybe i might not have to suffer any abuse today after all.

.

I looked up at Edward straight at his eyes, they looked sad for some reason, and i didn't know why, i was pretty sure this is how he wanted me to be treated. I looked away and walked into the kitchen picking up some beers and coming back. I place them on the table in front of them and then turned to walk away.

This was going to be a long night. I started dinner straight away, if dinner was late then i could expect a good beating when Edward was gone.

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It took about two hours to prepare everything, and i was pretty proud of myself, with James here every week, i had basically improved my cooking skills a hole lot. I slowly moved towards the living room.

" dinners ready" i waited for his remark, but it never came, normally he'd say something like, "it better be good slut" or "you know what'll happen if i don't like it.

No this time he just eyed me and then stood up and walked into the kitchen. Edward was walking past, but then he just stood for a second and stared.

I looked away to the floor and he turned to leave again, but not before saying those two little words before he left.

"I'm sorry" His voice was filled with sympathy and sadness, and i couldn't figure out why. Why after all these months had he finally apologized.

**Edward's POV**

I pulled up to the swan residence, right after jams.

What where we doing here, of all the places we could have been James chose my ex best friends house or "the SLUTS house , the house that held at least half of my child hood memories.

I got out of the car and walked up to James.

"James? What the hell are we doing at this sluts house" I couldn't help but notice how James's mouth opened into a big ugly grin..

"relax Cullen, i come here every weekend. Its kind of a deal that i have with Bella's mom since the incident last year, you see she hunted me down after that night and apologised numerous times, she said that i was welcome at her house whenever, for all the shit Bella put me through that night. Plus her house has a bigger games room, cinema room and Television room, with all the sports and beer, a guy could ask for, why wouldn't i want to come here?"

He had a good point.

We walked up the front steps and James took out a key and opened the door.

As soon as i stepped through the threshold all the memories came flooding back. The time me and Bella used to slide down the banister of the stairs, and the time we sat on a skate board together and went rolling around the house, when we made chocolate cakes and got flower all over us, and the most recent memory of us swimming in Bella's pool six months ago.

I had been the one that taught Bella how to swim eight years ago, and memories like the ones that were hidden in this house where almost unbearable.

"come on, lets go watch some football" he walked into the living room, plonked himself down on the sofa and switched the football on.

I sat down and began to look around the room, there were many picture around the house, but they had all been replaced.

There used to be pictures of me and Bella every where, from when we were kids to just six moths ago. I wasnt surprised that they had been changed, i did the exact same thing, i didn't want o have to look at the slut of a best friend that i had. Those harsh feelings i had towards her sometimes made me feel guilty, we never heard her side of the story, but what was she going to say, i accidentally tripped and my clothes fell of, yeah right, the truth is, she couldn't say anything, because it was pretty obvious of what had been going on.

I shook my head and looked at the television.

Five minutes later the door opened and shut and there right in front of me and James stood the schools ho.

She looked terrible, i took in her appearance, she looked like she hadn't slept for days, and her clothes were hanging of her. She'd lost weight and it was plainly obvious, but what got me was that i had never bothered to notice before. She pretty much looked dead, here hair used to be so silky and long and bouncy, but now it was dead on her shoulders. She had a huge black bruise around her eye, and i winced, god that must have hurt. I knew Lauren played around with her a bit. But i didn't know it was that bad.

She was just about to walk away when James spoke.

"Hey slut get in here" she walked in her head looking down.

"Yes?"

"get us some beers will ya, and i want dinner ready for five thirty" he was grinning and i flinched at Bella's reaction, not because she was hurt or anything but she was actually doing what he said.

"what would you like for dinner"

"Erm fish, yeah fish sounds good"

"Is Edward staying for dinner?" she was still looking at the ground when she spoke again.

"yeah he is, and he's staying for the whole weekend" he was right i was, but only because he invited me and because everyone in my house was getting a bit annoying lately.

She looked up at me and stared me straight in the eyes, i almost saw a hint of relief run across her face but then it was gone. I looked at her and i couldn't help but sympathise for her. Yeah I hated the slut, but no one deserved to be treated like this in there own home.

she walked out and about two minutes later she placed the beers on the table in front of us and then disappeared again.

"james how come she lets you treat her like that"

He turned to me and grinned.

"Like what Edward, she deserves everything she gets, besides this was part of her moms deal also" he smiled mischievously and then settled in to watch the football again.

About two hours later Bella came in and announced dinner was ready, just as james left and i was walking out, i stopped and stared for a minute my eyes full of sadness.

"I'm sorry" i couldnt believe my own wods, i would never have thought i would have seen the day of me saying sorry before her, but it happend.

we walked into the kitchen and started to eat. It was the most delicious food i had ever tasted, and a big surprise. Six months ago Bella couldn't even make toast let alone fish. I turned to her and gazed in amazement .

She flinched and then spoke to James.

"can I go to my room now?" she sounded like a child talking to her father, who was anyone in there own house to ask if they can go to there bedroom. It was kind of disgusting the way he treated her, and i dreaded to think how things were every other weekend when i wasnt here.

"Yeah go on you little whore, ill call you if i need something.

She turned around and headed up the stairs, i couldn't believe he treated her like this.

**Ok so i hope everyone like this chapter lol, please please review, i love to get reviews and feedback on what you think.**

**Love charisma XxX**


	7. Clair De Lune

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed lol its really a confidence boost when you review, I love to check my email and just see review !! Love charisma XxX**

**Chapter 7**

**Bella's POV**

When i reached my bedroom i flopped straight onto the bed.

Laying down i looked at my ceiling, It was covered white fluffy clouds and then blue was painted all around them like a big open sky, It looked so peaceful. If i could picture anything that could resemble anything close to heaven it would be this, a place where nobody, not anyone could hurt you.

Reaching for my ipod from the bedside table i turned on my favourite song of all time Clair de lune by Debussy.

It was so calm, it was one of those songs you could listen to forever, and still never get bored of it.

I placed my ipod down when the song finished, and walked to the music room.

I pushed the squeaky door oped and quietly walked in.

There in the middle of the room was my piano, i haven't played it since that night,

I miss playing, it's a part of me, i love it, but sometimes it just brings back to many hard memories.

Playing was a part of me, it was like when i played, nobody could get to me, because the music could protect me from anything evil in the world, kind of like that little girl in crash were she has the invisible magic cape.

I sat down on the leather seat and let my fingers hover over the keys before i started playing Clair de lune. I knew the music by heart even after so many months of not playing it.

The music Filled the room, i let it fill my ears and drown out all of the sorrows that i held so deeply inside my heart and soul.

It was like the song told a story and yet it didn't, because it didn't even hold any words. I thought back to the first time i played for Edward, it was kind of recent, about a month before the incident.

**Flashback**

**Bella walked into the music room along with Edward. She turned to him and smiled, and he smiled his to die for smile back. Whenever Bella looked into Edwards eyes she could almost see herself, and how much love she held for him. **

**But she knew, she knew too well that Edward could never love her back, because he was going out with Lauren, and he had told Bella numerous times that he loved her.**

**She walked over to the piano and sat down,**

"**I'm not as good as you, so you don't have to act amazed, because i know you'll be disappointed" **

**she looked up at him and he came and sat down next to her wrapping his arms around Bella's waist.**

**She began the song and closed her eyes, letting the music fill her every being. This was her place, in Edwards arms playing the piano, this was Bella's heaven.**

I finished playing, opened my eyes and let the tears cascade down my face.

I moved to get up and head for the door, but stopped when i saw Edward.

"I'm - I'm sorry i didn't mean, i was just going to the bathroom and i heard you playing" he spoke nervously.

I stared at him and still let the tears flow.

"yeah well now you can run along to all your friends at school and tell them what a cry baby i am, and maybe you make up something, you for fun" i looked away and fell to the floor.

I felt Edwards arm on my shoulder and i flinched.

"leave me alone Edward" i spoke with venom in my voice and Edward stepped back.

"Listen Bella, i-"

"You know what, after being called slut all the time, im surprised you even know my name"

"Bella, I'm sorry, but your the one that did this to your self, You ruined it all by forcing yourself on james. what did you want me to say, you killed the trust between yourself and Jessica and hurt all your friends because of how careless you were. And you expect us to just take you back like the angel your so obviously not"

His words stung, I knew i was nowhere near an angel, but it didnt mean that i deserved what i got, i stood up and looked him straight in the eye.

"Edward leave me the fuck alone, before i do something that i wont regret" Hitting him right now would leave me with no regret, he never gave me a chance, never gave me a chance to tell my side of the story, never gave me the time for me to tell him i was raped.

He looked hurt but he couldn't even be hurting half as much on the inside as me.

I looked out of the window, heard the door shut and closed my eyes as i listen for the footsteps retreating down the hall way.

I closed the lid on the piano and walked to the bathroom. I turned the taps on the tub and stripped my clothes off.

I looked in the mirror as i waited for the bath to run and took my makeup .Slowly as the foundation and eyeliner disappeared i saw the girl i had become, i wasnt even a girl anymore, i was a nobody, nobody wanted me, nobody needed me and every one hated me.

I turned the taps of after a couple of minutes and climbed in the bath.

I relaxed instantly into the bubbles and closed my eyes.

**Flashback**

"Edward, Edward, quick we got to go again come on, get the skateboard"

Ten year old bella screamed down the stairs to eleven year old Edward. They had been going up and down the stairs all day on the new skateboard bella had got for her birth day, even though she had been bought millions of dolls and clothes and dress up dresses, bella insisted on playing on her skateboard. She had always been a bit of a tom boy, skateboarding, trousers instead of skirts, hats instead of plaits and all of the other stuff opposite to what girls would do.**(braids i think is the American term lol)**

These habits where probably also because of Edward, bella had known Edward since she was two, and since then they had been inseparable.

Edward came walking up the stairs with the skate board and set it down on the stairs.

Bella climbed on first and the Edward got on behind.

"Ready, steady, GOOOOO" the bunch were always so loud and hyperactive, that even and old lady that was half death could probably here them scream.

The two went flying down the stairs and crashed into the wall.

"Owwwwwww" bella starting moaning.

Edward walked over to her and sat down next to bella's fragile body.

"bella are you ok, what's wrong?"

She pointed to her knee and starting crying, she had a big carpet burn and a cut on her knee.

" My knee Edward owww" he looked at her with sadness in his eyes, but then he leaned down and placed his lips down on her sore and kissed it better.

"There it'll be all better soon" bella stopped crying and smiled up at Edward.

" I love you Edward" and she brought him into a hug.

"I love you to Bella"

I woke up out of my dream and looked at the clock on the wall, it was nine o'clock, i had slept for nearly two hours and the bathe water was freezing cold.

I wrapped a towel around my worn out body and went to my room and put my pyjamas on .

I lay on the bed and put the ear phones in my ears again, but this time i put a different song on.

Run by Leona Lewis. I felt like i could relate to this song a little, i related it to me and Edward six months ago.

I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbye  
I nearly do

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say.

I shut my eyes and drifted into a peaceful sleep knowing that James couldn't get to me tonight

**Please review xxxxxxx**


	8. she lies : or so he says

I woke up at four am, I was still exhausted, but i knew myself to well, i knew that if i went back to bed i wouldn't sleep one bit.

I snuck down the stairs to the kitchen and went to the fridge for a glass of milk. I sat at the breakfast bar and began to drink when i heard the kitchen door open.

I jumped up and faced the door expecting James, but it wasnt, it was Edward AGAIN.

We gazed at each at each other for a minute and then he spoke.

" What are you doing up?" i furrowed my eyes together, as if it was anything to do with him.

"I-i couldn't sleep" my tone was harsh and strong when i spoke.

"I couldn't sleep either." he looked around the room and then spoke again.

" so many memories in this house, but its almost as if they were deleted." i eyed him.

"Yeah well who would want to keep memories of people They hate now?" i dared him

"yeah your right who would?" ouch that stung.

"Edward, why are you here, why didn't you just turn around as soon as you got to the front door, because you know if i would have been there, the door would have never opened for you" he winced at my words , and all i could think was how much he deserved this and so much more.

"yeah well by the way things look around here, you don't seem to be the one in charge do you slut?"

"Shut the **** up, just shut it ok, you don't know anything"

"Oh i don't?" he raised his brows in a question and then continued.

" so i don't know that when James gives an order, you do it no questions asked, i don't know about you cooking him dinner every weekend and bringing his beers, and i obviously don't know about you doing it all free willingly"

" free willingly, **YOU THINK THIS IS FREE WILL?, you think i enjoy this, think i enjoy coming home every weekend to that Bastard, do you think that i come home free willingly and cook his dinners, only to have him slap me around the face when something doesn't live up to his expectations, and you know what i bet you think that i love to just come home to james every weekend only to have him rape me every night. Yeah you must know a lot obviously" i turned away and closed my eyes tears threatening to fall.**

"**You're lying, all you ever did was try and lie your way out of that night and now your doing it again you whore, there is nothing, not anything you can say that would make me believe you, you slut, you don't deserve anything and the way your treated by James, you deserve to have to wait on him hand and foot, and you deserve to have to do what ever he wants because your worth nothing, your not even worth the scum on the bottom of my shoes, get that into that think scull of yours." **

**I turned back around and shoved past Edward only to have him grab my arm where one of Laurens bruises was.**

**I looked at him with so much anger and pain building up in my eyes. He looked back at me and scrunched his face in disgust and then threw me to the floor.**

**With Edward pushing me to the floor it only reminded me so much more of how men could be such bastards, because clearly Edward just proved that anyone could be as bad as James.**

**He didn't believe me about the rape, well after everything that has happened i don't need him to believe me, but if i needed to prove it, i could. This house being as big as it is has more than one security camera and the first time James raped me was right in front of the camera in the living room.**

**I stood up from the floor, ran for the stairs only to be met by James on the third floor. I froze in fear and eyed him dangerously.**

"**Did you tell him , you little slut, huh?, did you. Did you tell him about how i take you every weekend, how i rip off those clothes of yours, and lick you, did you tell him how i hit you."**

**I looked at him." yeah i told him, but guess what you win, he didn't believe me, well done you get the award for keeping the secret safe ok? You know what I'm done, its never going to happen again, I'm never, Ever, going to let you have me ever again, because you'll have to kill me first you disgusting low life, how can you even call yourself human after everything you did to me.? I bet you did it to hundreds of girls didn't you, bet you raped and beat them, and then told them that no one would ever believe that the town slut was raped, and if they told you'd go back and get them. Did you do what you did to me to others, James, did you?"**

**He grinned at me and licked his lips while taking a step forward and grabbing me by the neck. He pulled something out from his jean pockets and held it to my neck, a knife.**

**Ok please review, im starting my next chapter right now, hopefully i'll have it up today. Sorry it was short but i wanted to leave the rest for my next chapter lol.**

**Review*review*review please love charisma XxX**


	9. quiet

**Short chapter again sorry the next few will be at least two thousand words XxX**

I stood entirely still as jams held me with the knife pointed to my neck.

"James, I'm sorry ok, stop please." I knew pleading wasnt going to work but I didn't know what to do, i thought about calling for Edward, but i knew that jams would have the knife across my neck in a second.

"sorry sweet heart, not how it works, you should know that by now, after all its been six months. So if you want to get out of this alive, you'll do as i say ok?" i nodded instantly.

" ok so, your going to keep quite, if you say a word I'll slit your throat ok? Were going to head downstairs to the cellar ok, then ill tell you what next."

We started walking down the stairs really quietly and slowly so Edward wouldn't here. I had tears rolling down my face, he did this often, just without the knife, he'd shut me downstairs for about two hours because he knew how much i hated it.

We reached the cellar and i took in my surroundings, it was dark and dismal and there was no light at all.

He moved across the room and to the corner where there were chains screwed to he wall. My eyes widened in fear and i tried to shove away.

" now , now slut, we wouldn't want for you to hurt your pretty little neck would we?"

" no, please, James I'm sorry. Don't please, I'm begging you."

"Shut up you whore and sit down." i sat down and looked up at his grinning face, while tears ran down mine.

He pointed the knife at me while shackling me to the wall. My arms hung low i tried to pull. He looked at me greedily and then started to unbutton my shirt, i cried even harder, because after everything i had just said, he was doing it again.

Soon all my clothes were gone and James had stripped himself of his jeans. I closed my eyes and let him do what he wanted, pleading wouldn't work right now.

He positioned him self at my entrance and pushed into my with force and roughness, i cried out in pain but he just kept thrusting and thrusting, in was pretty sure that there was going to be blood. He grunted and messed with me, tweaking and rubbing my nipple so hard, i thought i was going to die.

He came inside of me and the got up and pulled his jeans back up.

He walked away and faced me just before he got to the door.

"Night slut, sweet dreams, you'll be in here till Sunday" .

"NO jams please, JAMES don't do this, Edward, EDWARD" i screamed his name but there was no way he would hear me, he was to far away and the basement door was made of steel along with thick walls around the room.

"JAMES, PLEASE!!!!!, LET me GOOO" please i said to my self.

I looked around and saw my clothes strewn everywhere, i reached my panties, and struggled to put them on. I looked to my bra but it was to far away from me so i reached my shirt instead, i couldn't reach anything else, but at least i felt a little more covered even if my shirts was ripped.

**(That's how James got the shirt of while she was in the shackles lol)**

All I could think about was two days, two days in this hell hole with nothing but my top and my underwear. Two days without food or water, i didn't know how i was going to last, i already felt like i was going crazy how was i going to last two days.

**Review please ill try and update tonight, but my grandparents are coming tonight so i might not be able to update tomorrow either, I'm sure i will though. xxX love charisma **


	10. safe

_Ok first of all I'm sorry about some of my wording, my computer is really annoying lol I've read through my last chapter and noticed that I always have James as jams: sorry i don't mean it, its my stupid spell checker lol, because i type fast the words sometimes aren't spelt correct, i could really use a beta lol. Anyway here's the next chapter _

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I have been sitting on the cold stone floor in the basement for about six hours now, and its making me crazy.

Ive just been looking at the wall or yanking on my chains, i cant take it, its like living in a cage with no way out, or sitting in a room with the walls closing in on you, after sitting in this room for half the night I've realised that even the biggest of rooms can feel claustrophobic if your in it to long.

I rested my head against the stone cold wall and sighed, it felt like i was never going to get out of this place.

**************************************************************************************

I woke up to a screeching sound and saw the basement door that lead to the garden was opening, i breathed in and hoped to god it wasnt James.

It was Kieran.

"Kieran?, wh-what are you doing in here?" my voice croaked because i was so relieved but also so distraught after being locked up in here for hours.

"Bella what the hell are you doing chained to a wall" i looked at his face and then to his eyes.

"oh Kieran , you've gotta me, please, please get me out of here, i cant take it, tell him I'm sorry please, ill do anything just tell him I'm sorry" I cried and cried so hard I thought I was never going to stop.

"Bella, what are you talking about, tell who you are sorry?" he leant down and took in my appearance, I must've looked a mess sitting there in my pants (undies) and ripped t-shirt that covered barely anything.

He brought his hand up to my face and caressed my cheek. " god what has he done to you, look at you, you're a mess"

I grabbed his arm and started shaking it.

"Please, Kieran, please tell him, get me out of here, I cant take it everything's to small its making me crazy, pleaseeeeeeeeeee" I was begging him, somebody just let me out was all I could think. How could anyone in there right mind do what they did to me.

"Bella these shackles there to strong to get open how am I going to get them open, do you know where the key is?" I shook my head, no, James kept it somewhere upstairs.

"Kieran I- I think it know how."

"I need you to go into the garage round the front and get a screw driver or a drill to get them out of the wall, please"

"ok ill be right back, you going to be ok?" I nodded again.

He kissed me on the forehead and then walked out the door in search of a drill. When the door opened for him to lead the sky was blue and cloudless, it appeared to be a never ending sea of just blue, I could look at the sky all day, so peaceful, so open and so free.

**************************************************************************************

"I'm back, are you ok?, right, erm so ok cover your ears it might be a bit noisy"

"OK, wait, are you sure you know how to use that" I said pointing to the drill in his hand.

He grinned at me. " of course, I mean its me , Kieran right?" he raised his eye brows to me,

"yeah right"

I covered my ears and within two minutes my hands were free, I rubbed them a bit because they were saw from trying to get free.

I stood up and threw my arms around Kieran as tears began to resurface.

"Thank you, thank you so much" I whispered into his neck. He hugged me back and I just clung to him, never wanting to let go.

"What the hell happened to you, I mean why did he put you down here, did he hurt you are you alright" I looked down at my feet should I tell him, I asked myself.

"Kieran he-he raped me " I broke down and fell to the floor in Kieran's arms, and nothing, nothing felt more right at this moment. I cried for everything, I cried for my dad, I cried for the loss and grief my dads death had caused our family, I cried for Edward not believing me, and finally, I cried for everything James had ever done to me, the rape, the kicks and the punches and the sly comments and name calling,

I cried for everything that had gone wrong in my life. Everything.

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For the rest of the day Kieran and I spent the afternoon lying around in a field under the sun. He asked me questions about my life, and about James, and how it all started. He comforted me and told me everything was going to be ok, but it wasnt. I knew too well that nothing or anything would ever be ok, not after everything that had happened, and not as long as James was walking around a free man.

We talked about hobbies and school and everything. I found out that he was quite the clubbing type person, usually you would think that any person that went clubbing every weekend and slept with your mom, would be a bit of a wacko but not Kieran. I knew quite a lot about him now. He was born right here in forks, and lives with both of his parents, still happily married and alive. He has two younger siblings in the 4th and 5th grade, and he has a dog called bingo.

Of course I knew a lot more than that, but that was the basics of him. Kieran was quite good looking but looked older than he really was, which is probably how he got into the clubs without ID, or maybe he has a fake one who knows, anyway, he quite big built, has dark brown eyes along with brown hair, he's about 6 ft 4 very tall, especially since I'm barley 5ft 4.

He had a great personality, considering he's popular would probably make you think he was a jerk or something, but he wasnt. people judge to easily, they think that just because someone is popular, they are either a jerk, a slut or a bitch, kind of stereotypical.

I had learned that Kieran was trust worthy, and that he would never tell my secret unless I said he could, he said that he would try and keep me safe.

I sat on the grass next to Kieran and leaned into his shoulder.

"Thank you" I said looking up to his blue globes.

"I'll try and keep you safe ok?, jams is a monster, how can he hurt you like that" he brushed some hair out of my face and then sighed.

"Kieran , I erm I understand that you have to ignore me at school, for your own sake . I don't want you to feel guilty, and I understand if you have to join in on the name calling and notes and stuff, I don't want you to get hurt or beat on " he pulled his hand up to my cheek and rested his forehead against mine.

"We'll figure it out, we'll make it ok." I saw the sincerity in his eyes and I really wanted to agree, I really wanted to, but I couldn't, because it wasnt true..

I looked down at my appearance, I had my ripped shirt still on and Kieran's shirt wrapped around my waist, he was so much bigger, his shirt could have been one of my gypsy skirts.

I lay back and for once felt content, the sun ray coming down on me, Kieran next to me and my father watching over me, and for now this was all I needed.

After I came out of my thoughts I looked up at Kieran who was sitting right next to me.

"What are you thinking Bella"

I looked into his eyes filled with kindness and breathed in.

"I'm thinking about how content I feel right now" I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"What do you want to do about James then, where are you going to go?, are you going to go back to your house?"

"I have to, there's nothing else I can do"

"You could come stay at my house if you like" He was so sweet, the best friend that I hadn't had in six months, he reminded me of how Edward used to be, kind loving and selfless, thought nothing of what he could do for himself, just other people.

"Kieran, it'll only make things worse, I've got to go back, but I'll just sneak in and stay in my bedroom for the rest of the weekend, I'll be fine.

**************************************************************************************

When it started to get dark, Kieran drove me home and gave me his cell phone number just encase.

I walked up the steps of my house and opened the door quietly, but as soon as I got in the door I heard James.

"BELLA" he yelled loudly, he sounded angry, but he wouldn't do anything while Edward was here. would he?

I walked into the living room and saw Edward sat in the arm chair with a can of beer in his hand, and James strewn across the sofa beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I sighed inwardly Bastard.

He eyed me and I could see anger in his eyes. I will always remember those eyes, so full of lust and anger all the time.

"Where the fuck have you been" I jumped at his harsh tone and stepped back a bit. I looked at Edward who looked kind of confused.

" I went out with a friend" he started laughing and then turned to Edward.

"did you just hear what that slut just said " I went out with a friend" listen whore you don't have any friends. Tell me the truth." he stood up and came forward to me until he was inches away. I held my breath and closed my eyes please just be a dream, please be a dream, help me please.

"I--I was with a friend , I promise, James, I'm just going to go to my room." I turned to walk away but James's hand grabbed me tightly, so I turned back to him and then looked at Edward. His fingers were clutched to the arm rest and his knuckles were going white, he was angry. But at who?.

Me or James ?

"James let go! Your hurting me" he didn't listen he just clenched his hand harder and made me drop to my knees in pain.

He still had my arm in his hand , and the pain was becoming unbearable. I looked to Edward again, telling him with my eyes, please do something Edward please, my eyes pleaded with him.

"James calm down, let her go she's not worth it" he closed his eyes and then dropped my hand before returning to his place on the sofa.

Thank you I mouthed to Edward, but he just looked away in defiance.

I walked up the stairs and went to my bedroom to write in my diary.

Dear Katie, today was so nice, well most of it anyway. Yesterday I told Edward about everything, and he didn't believe me. It hurt soo bad to know that he was once my best friend, and now he can barley even look me in the eye.

James got me again yesterday, I thought nothing would happen because Edward was here, but I was wrong. Why does he do it Katie? Why does he do those horrible things to me.

He chained me to a wall in the cellar last night, if it wasnt for Kieran I don't know what I would have done. Kieran's like my best friend, I don't know how he is so nice to me, its like he's my guardian angel or something. I miss my dad so much, he'd help me if he was here,

I don't know what to do anymore, I have no idea how to stop all of this. It feels like it could go on forever, my skin feels tainted and I feel like my body is used and unwanted, its disgusting, I have disgusting skin and I feel like I want to die sometimes.

When I looked into Edwards eyes today, they made me want to die right there, he couldn't look at me, and when he did its like I almost burnt his eyes.

Kieran says that its going to get better, but it wont, it never will. It never gets better.

I put my diary down and then decided I wanted to go in the Jacuzzi , it was already 12 at night and I needed to relax for a minute. I walked to my bedroom and went to my draw and pulled my swim costume out.

It was a turquoise colour and clung to my body nicely. (.) I filled out quite well in all the right place, until that night and since I lost weight, a lot of my body's compliments disappeared, my breasts went from a D to a B and my stomach went from nice and toned to nearly going inwards. My body was a mess.

I walked down to the third floor and opened to door to our pool and Jacuzzi anywhere.

I walked over to the Jacuzzi and placed my towel on the side and my Ipod that I had picked up before came. I got into the hot bubbling water, and all the tension in my muscles disappeared.

I reached over and picked up my Ipod and picked a song. There you'll be By Faith Hill, it was one of my favourite songs, and I reminded me of Edward so much, even though Edward had hurt me, I'll never forget what he was once and that means a lot to me.

When I think back  
On these times  
And the dreams  
We left behind  
I'll be glad 'cause  
I was blessed to get  
To have you in my life  
When I look back  
On these days  
I'll look and see your face  
You were right there for me

In my dreams  
I'll always see you soar  
Above the sky  
In my heart  
There will always be a place  
For you for all my life  
I'll keep a part  
Of you with me  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be

Well you showed me  
How it feels  
To feel the sky  
Within my reach  
And I always  
Will remember all  
The strength you  
Gave to me  
Your love made me  
Make it through  
Oh, I owe so much to you  
You were right there for me

In my dreams  
I'll always see you soar  
Above the sky  
In my heart  
There will always be a place  
For you for all my life  
I'll keep a part  
Of you with me  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be

'Cause I always saw in you  
My light, my strength  
And I want to thank you  
Now for all the ways  
You were right there for me  
You were right there for me  
For always

In my dreams  
I'll always see you soar  
Above the sky  
In my heart  
There will always be a place  
For you for all my life  
I'll keep a part  
Of you with me  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be  
There you'll be.

The song finished and I closed my eyes and let my body sink further into the water.

I looked over at the pool right next to the Jacuzzi and remembered when Edward had taught me to swim when I was ten. Edward had always been a good swimmer even at eleven, he excelled in everything.

"Edward , I cant do it, I just can't, its too hard, I cant even float. I'm scared." Edward took my hand and lead me to the pool.

"Don't worry Bella, I'll protect you always I promise"

"Ok" I stepped into the shallow end of the pool and waited for Edward to help me"

"so!! Fist of all, we need to teach you how to float ok?" I nodded.." ok lie on you back , ill hold you"

I lay back in the water while Edward supported my back.

"see ok now all you have to do is keep your body straight ok?"

"Yeah ok" I held my breath as Edward let go, but I sank, I began sputtering and kicking my arms and legs everywhere.

Edward grabbed me and then pulled me out.

"Bella believe in your self, you wont be able to do it, if you don't believe"

I lay back again and held my breath just encase I sank again, but I didn't, I was floating.

"oh Edward look, I can do it, thank you, thank you, thank you, your the best"

I smiled at them memory, but then I remembered those six words that he had promised me and broken.

"I'll protect you always, I promise" I whispered to myself

"But you didn't Edward did you, you didn't protect me.

I got out of the Jacuzzi and wrapped a towel around me and walked to the door.

But before I shut the door I turned and whispered to nothing.

"you didn't"

**Ok I hope you guys liked it, I tried to make it longer lol, seven pages of writing. Please review. Love charisma XxX**


	11. Her lullaby

OK so I'm sorry guys that I haven't been updating for the last three days lol but I'm back now. I want to say a big thank you to everyone who is reviewing its really a confidence boost 

to get so many reviews compared to my other story lol yay. Anyway I just wanted to say how much I am enjoying writing this story, just as I enjoy any other story that I read lol. 

Writing this story is almost like I don't even know what's going to happen next even though its my story, its kind of like a big question mark really lol. Anyway I'm kind of skipping the 

rest of the weekend in this so I can go straight to Monday lol. I want to get to some action and if I spend all my time writing about what happens on Sunday, well then lets just say its 

going to take longer for Edward to actually believe Bella. I hope you like the next chapter so here it is.

**************************************************************************************

Beep beep* beep beep*

I woke up to the sound of my alarm blaring in my ear and rolled over to hit the snooze button.

I groaned _why does school have to start so early. _

Nothing is even simple, I said inwardly as I jumped up and walked to my walk in closet.

My closet was huge. Which was kind of pointless because I don't have too many clothes, I'm really not keen on shopping. Actually scrap that, I absolutely loath shopping, it just isn't something I enjoy at all, especially now since my body has lost its voluptuous curves.

Six months ago I would look in the mirror and sigh with happiness of how my body looked. Now i try and shy away from the mirror because I'm completely hideous. I'm plain and dull, and am nothing special to look at.

I looked at my clothes and huffed. All my clothes were mostly dark colours, blacks, greys, blue those sort of colours.

I pulled out my skinny jeans and then my chequered top that was long sleeved. It was easy to cover James's bruises if i wore long sleeved tops.

_Now all i need is shoes, hmm what shoes should i wear._ I bent down to pick some shoes and caught some plastic poking put of one of the low drawers,_ what on earth?, I_ opened the draw and instantly felt sadness wash through me. It was my beginning of year dress that i was going to wear for the back to school dance. It was supposed to be about two weeks into the school year, but i never went after what happened.

It was the perfect dress . I couldn't explain what it looked like, it was just me, it went down the floor and hugged my curves to perfection. The first time i tried it on i knew it was the one, but now I'd never get the chance to wear. I was so excited for Edward to see it, an now he never will.

I pushed the drawer back shut, put my flats on and walked down stairs to the front door.

I walked out on the drive way to get my car and noticed Kieran parked on the drive with a grin on his face. I smiled back and went to his window.

"What are you doing here?" my smile remained.

"I thought i could give you a ride to school." _he is just the best ._

"Kieran, i really want to, but if anyone sees you, your going to get a lot of shit, so i might as well go in my car, but we can talk once we get to school?" it was kind of a question really, maybe he didn't want to talk at school.

"Oh come on, i don't care"

"No I'm not getting you in any shit because of me" i turned to my resolve face, he wasnt going to change mind.

"OK, fine, you know i feel bad about this right?" i just nodded my head at him.

"Kieran, we shouldn't be friends, your only going to get messed about with if people find out you actually talk to me instead of calling me names and hurting me." he looked up at me, almost as if he was disappointed.

"So instead you'd rather I called you a slut and beat on you every day" he raised his eyebrows in a question.

"No of course that's not what I meant, but I don't want you to get hurt, you've done a lot for me"

"lets just not think about it right now, we need to figure out what your going to do about James this weekend, I'll meet you at school ok?" I nodded as Kieran pulled out the drive way. I walked to my car just as the front door opened and Edward came out.

We gazed at each other for a minute and then Edward started walking towards his car.

I got into my truck and pulled out of the drive starting for school.

I pulled the glove box open to get a CD and noticed one that Edward gave to me six months ago, I hadn't ever had the chance to listen to it because of everything that had happened, so I just forgot about it.

I never put CD's on, I normally put the radio on, but I today I just fancied a change and now I was faced with this.

It seemed like something was trying to tell me something- first the dress, and second the CD, _today is just freaky._

I looked at the sticky note on the CD _To Bella, love always. Edward. _I smiled at what he had wrote and placed the CD in the slot. I looked at the back of the case and looked at the first song.

_Bella's lullaby._

_He made me a lullaby._

Tears ran down my face as listened to the music.

It was Edward playing the piano. He was an amazing pianist he'd been playing for twelve years of his life, and played to perfection. The song was soft and lulling, everything that was once me was in these notes. I was always a calm person until James raped me, now I'm jumpy and scared of many different people, and it wasnt fair.

The song finished and I arrived at school about a minute later. I wiped my eyes and breathed in _my lullaby._

When i got to the parking lot Edward was already there. _of course._

Edward was not one to drive slow, he was impatient, stubborn ,protective and that's what had made me love him so much more. My phone beeped and i opened it up and found i had a message from Kieran.

_Meet me in in the janitors room xx._

We couldn't talk to each other in public, there was no way that i was even going to let Kieran have a life half as bad as mine.

"Hey"

"Hey" Kieran looked at me for a minute, he looked curious.

"so what happened when i dropped you off on Saturday ?"

"Nothing really, i got in the house and James asked me where i had been, i told him i had been out with a friend, but he didn't believe i had any so he grabbed me but Edward was there so he couldn't do anything, and then i just stayed in my room the rest of the weekend."

"did he hurt you?"

"No its nothing, he bruised my arm a little but i'm ok."

"Let me see"

"Kieran I'm really fine dont worry about it" but he already had my sleeve up. I had a big purple and blue dark hand shaped bruise on my arm.

"Holy shit, _a little, _what the fuck are you on bella?, that is not a little."

"Kieran I'm fine, seriously" he gave me a worried look as he held my arm up to inspect it. I winced when he touched it and pulled away.

"I'm fine."

"we need to do something about this Bella, you cant let him get away with this."

"Kieran i can, and I'm going to, you know why? Because nobody except you is going to believe me."

I walked out of the room and headed to class.

**************************************************************************************

Hope you liked it i know its short. next chapter is Edwards point of view. and it has something to do with a video lol. anyway please review xx.


	12. oh god

**EPOV**

Dammit I forgot my phone. I searched everywhere for my phone when I finally realized I had left it at the Swan's house. Oh well, I didn't want to go to  
math anyway.

I walked out of the school doors and went to my car, starting for the Swan residence.

When I reached the house, I walked up the front steps and looked under the mat and found a spare key. I opened the door and went to the third floor where the guest room was.

As I walked up the steps, I looked at all the photo's on the wall, some of Bella and her father when she was a baby.

Some were just from last year. Even though I hated to admit it, Bella really was beautiful, but she always doubted herself for some reason, always  
feeling as though she was plain and everyone around her was more attractive. But what did I care now. I hated her, she was a slut. She lied and couldn't be trusted.

When I reached the guest room, I looked around for my phone and found it on  
the bedside table.

When I had stayed here last year and all those months and years before, I never stayed in the guest room, not even last year. I always slept with Bella. There was never anything sexual that happened, just sleep, but it was always so much more peaceful when I was close to her.

I had basically lived half of my life with Bella. I slept at her house three or four times during the week. It was like a second home, just like my house had been for Bella.

I walked out of my room and got curious. I walked up to the fifth floor where Bella's room was and opened the door.

I was met by the same room I had been met with all those times last year. It was all in the exact same order. Bella had always been a perfectionist; nothing could ever be out of place.

I went and sat on her neat bed and pulled the drawer open at the side of her bed. There were videos and photo albums of when we were little in there. I picked up the album we had gone through many times together and opened it. Memories rushed through me as I looked at all the pictures. There was one of Bella and I at the beach when we were eight and then there was the exact same photo of us in the same position of us from last year. We looked like a couple in the picture.

I was sitting on the sand in my trunks and sun glasses with a huge grin on my face, and Bella was sitting between my legs resting back on my chest smiling with her bikini on. That was a great day, we had so much fun.

I looked at another picture of Bella and I at Bella's fifteenth birthday party. Bella was standing in front of her cake and I was standing behind her with my arms wrapped around her. In every picture of us taken in the last three years we looked like a couple, even though I had been going out with Lauren for two of those years. I had always felt something more than just friendship with Bella, but I could never put my finger on it. It was like I didn't want to go out with her, and yet every time I saw her with another  
guy I cringed, and every time she got asked out on a date, I sabotaged it.

I put the photo album down and looked down at the videos. There were so many.  
I looked through them and noticed one at the bottom of the drawer that hadn't been there all those other times. It didn't have a name or anything so I picked it up and placed it into the video player.

The film showed up on the screen and I watched intently. On the screen was Bella's living room downstairs with Bella in it and James.

From what it looked like Bella looked scared, but the voices were to quiet to be sure, so I turned the volume up.

"James, just leave, you ruined my life, so-so just go I don't want you  
anywhere near me."

"Bella, Bella, Bella you just don't get it, you belong to me, nobody  
wants you, nobody loves you, nobody needs you, so I'm doing everyone a favor."

James walked forward to Bella and she stepped back,

"James don't, please, leave me alone." his evil laugh filled the whole room and he grabbed a hold of her.

He started pulling Bella's clothes off as she struggled to get away. He hit her and she froze in shock before she was knocked to the ground. They grappled all over the floor, and bit by bit, James shredded Bella's clothes.

"James please, no not again don't do this, you've taken them away from me, you turned Edward against me, what more do you want, Nooooooooooooo please" James punched Bella in the face and her body went sort of limp and then she tried to struggle more. He yanked his trousers and boxers down and push into Bella roughly.

"SHUT UP YOU **, YOU DONT DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, YOU DONT APPRECIATE ALL YOU HAVE," he pushed deeper into her and Bella just cried and cried for him to stop, but he didn't. He never stopped.

"You will never be loved."

I stopped the tape horrified and angered by what I had just seen. I walked to the television and picked it up and threw it across the room with as much force as possible.

"NOO!" I screamed so hard. I'm going to kill him.

I turned to walk out the room, and stopped dead in my tracks.

"Bella," I whispered.

She had tears running down her cheeks and she looked so hurt and so scared, I couldn't take it, everything was my fault. I never gave her chance to explain. That bastard raped her and I thought she was lying.

"You d-didn't believe me, oh god, oh god, I let him do those things to me," She dropped to the floor with her hand over her mouth and tears streaming from her eyes like a waterfall. She was shaking.

I had tears in my eyes. I let it happen.

"Oh god Bella I'm so sorry," I walked over to her, knelt down to her level and looked into her eyes filled with hurt and sorrow.

"I-I'm so sorry."

"Edward, I let him do those things to me, I told him to stop, but-but h..he wouldn't,

H-he wouldn't stop, he wouldn't pull out, I tried, oh god Edward, I tried so hard but then I just stopped caring, I stopped feeling, I just let him do those things to me," Her cries were filled with so much despair.

I pulled her small fragile body into my arms and held her tightly.

"Shhh, Bella, you're safe, it's never going to happen again. I'm so sorry. Nobody is ever going to hurt you again, I'm so sorry" I whispered to her and hugged her tightly.

That son of a bitch was going to pay.

please review, thankyou so much to my beta Kei-sho shes great lol xx. LOve charisma


	13. Forgive me not

BPOV

When homeroom ended I gathered my school bag and started for Spanish, I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I pulled my back pack from my back and opened it up; _Math homework check, English assignment check, Spanish essay no check, SHIT.  
_  
I ran out of the school doors and got into my car. Miss Lorenzo would kill me if I didn't have that presentation. _I'd rather get told off for skipping and give it in at lunch._

I reversed out of the school parking lot and began the journey back to my house. The drive back was peaceful, I felt like I was in a place where time meant nothing, passing tree, by tree, and house by house, everything just seemed the same.

When I arrived at home and drove through the gates I saw Edward's silver Volvo in the drive. _What is he doing here?_

I got out of the car and slammed the door shut before unlocking the door and walking inside quietly.

I listened to see if he was here and heard some faint mumbles or screams sounding like they were coming from a TV or something. I walked up each set of stairs, listening to see if I could hear from where the sounds where coming from.

When I got to the top floor, I saw my bedroom door open and the sound comingfrom it. _What is he doing in my room?  
_  
I stepped into the doorway quietly making sure he couldn't hear me and then looked over to see what it was. No, it couldn't be, how did he find it, oh god. I had tears running down my face and I had to hold in my whimpers and cries. Edward looked beyond angry and beyond furious. He looked ready to kill. Edward finally knew the truth.

He walked towards the television and picked it up, throwing it across the room. He made so many sounds of anger, it was if he were about to burst inside.

"NOOOOO!"

He turned towards the door and froze in his place.

"Bella," he whispered.

I let the tears run even more and I whimpered loudly. _Oh god no.  
_  
"You d-didn't believe me, oh god, oh god, I let him do those things to me," How could I ever let that vile creature touch me like that. I dropped to the floor with a thud and shook violently with my loud cries.

"I-I'm so sorry." _Oh he was sorry now._

"Edward, I let him do those things to me, I told him to stop, but-but he..he wouldn't, H-he wouldn't stop, he wouldn't pull out, I tried, oh god Edward, I tried so hard but then I just stopped caring, I stopped feeling, I just let him do those things to me,"

I felt so much at that moment. Everything was finally just coming out and I couldn't take it, _it was all to overpowering, knowing that I let James rape me and touch me and lock me up. I felt ashamed of myself because of how weak I was. I felt like I wanted to curl up into a ball and die right there, not have to worry about anything, to not have to care.  
_  
I felt a pair of familiar arms circle around my waist as Edward pulled me to him.

"Shhh, Bella, you're safe, it's never going to happen again. I'm so sorry. Nobody is ever going to hurt you again, I'm so sorry" He held me tightly to him.

James did those things to me, turned everyone against me. I tried to tell Edward, but he wouldn't listen. I tried to get out of Edwards arms, but he just held me tighter. I thrashed harder and kicked until he finally let go.

"You didn't believe me, you wouldn't listen, wouldn't give me one chance, E-Ed-Edward, h-how, why, why didn't you just give me just one minute to at least tell you my side. I was your best friend of years and you believed that bastard over listening to me."

"Bella. Please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, god forgive me. Please,"

He looked so hurt, but how could he expect me to forgive him? After everything he had done to me, the vile comments, the bullying and teasing, _how could he be so cruel?_

He tried to pulled me back into his arms, but I just stood up and stepped back.

"You bastard, ho-how ... C.-can you expect me to forgive you after everything, Edward?" I paused for a second letting my face fall to disbelief and the tears fell stronger.

"Y-you hurt me Edward, so badly, I felt like I was destroyed inside, and consumed in darkness. Do you know what it's like to give up and feel too weak to fight back at someone that is violating you, do you? Do you know what it's like to tell your ex best-friend you're being raped by their current best friend and to have them not believe you, even though they've known and trusted you their whole life, no you don't, so don't you dare ask for my forgiveness you prick"

He walked closer and tried to reach out for me. He had tears pouring from his eyes, but there was no way he could feel even half the despair I felt.

"Bella,"

"No! Stay the Fuck away from me, don't touch me, just leave please, I can't take it, Edward. I love you, but as much as I love you, I hate you so much more right now."

And with that he turned and walked out the door.

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Please review i know it was short but im really tired lol hope you liked love Charisma


	14. The meadow

_**OK so I'm really sorry that I haven't updated for about three or four days, ive just been really busy and worried about school starting again, I hope you can forgive me, I hope you like the next chapter.**_

_After Edward left, I spent the entire day in bed crying._

_The sadness I felt was overwhelming, and even though i felt like i had cried for an eternity, i still felt like i could cry for so much longer. _

_I sat up from my bed and looked at the clock 3:45 am. I sighed and closed my eyes thinking about what was going to happen now._

_Maybe Edward would help me, __what if he tells people at school. What am i going to do?._

I had so many questions that i wanted to ask Edward, but there was no way i wanted to go anywhere near him right now.

I picked up my phone and grabbed my phone book flipping through to find C for Cullen. When i found Edward's phone number i punched the numbers into the phone and let it ring.

*ring ring* ring ring*

"_**Hello" **_Edward spoke.

"_**Hello, is anybody there" **_I breathed into the phone.

"_**Bella, please come on i know its you**_" tears ran down my face and i cursed inwardly because i had only just been able to stop.

"_Y--yeah it's m-me" _i could practically see him sighing right now.

"_**Is there something you needed"**_

"_I-i need to kn-know, i-i need to know why you didn't just give me a chance just a minute, to explain what had happened" _

"**I-I Bella, you have no idea how much guilt i hold right now, i am so sorry and I'd do anything to take back time and delete everything that James ever did to you, what he did, was filthy, disgusting, and I am disgusted with myself, I wish I could take it back"**

"Yeah well Edward you cant, you ca-can't take back time, you should have listened t-to me, you've known me for 15 years, slept in the same bed as me, and you couldn't even give me just a tiny piece of your time for me to tell you that h--he raped me"

"**God Bella please, its killing me to know i can't and nobody else can take back what happened, but god if i could take what you had and make it happen to me there wouldn't even be any thought about it, i would. I hate that i didn't listen to you, but the truth was, i was so messed up and angry about being told that you'd tried to seduce James, that i didn't even want to listen to anything else, and the thought of anything different happening made me feel angrier. I wanted to protect you, and I failed, I didn't want to allow myself to even think about anything but what James had said"**

"Edward, The-the th-things he did to me, god I cant even explain how much pain I felt after you never gave me a chance, I l-loved you so much, and yet at that time, my love just wasnt even close to anything that could have made you realise the truth, my heart broke when you looked at me through angered and disgusted eyes, I just wanted to run into your arms, and know, know that I was safe, but now i wont ever be safe, because those memories taunt my mind every night, every supposed peaceful moment is spent in terror and agony or fear, every place i have ever been to, even my own room, feels used and dangerous, do you even get what you did to me?"

"Bella please, you will be, you'll be safe, ill protect you until the end, I'm sorry please"

"Edward, sorry means nothing to me, how could you not know that by now. Sorry is a word with no meaning anymore, you might as well have said Fuck it for all i could care, because sorry is a disgrace of what you should be . Please don't, I don't want you, I don't need you anymore, I can't handle being back stabbed or hurt anymore, I just want to die right now, nobody cares, not even my mother, and apparently " my dad killed himself because he couldn't bare the sight of my ugly face everyday", do you remember when you said that to me, Edward you knew how much my dad meant to me and you said such horrible things, how could you?.... You know what, I made a mistake, this didn't help anything, i though that maybe it would explain something, anything, but it didnt, it just hurts even more, goodbye"

I slammed my phone down_, I knew that everything I had just said was a lie, I did need him and I did want him, but at the same time, I hated him and would sometimes go as far to wish him as dead. My love for him soared way above the clouds, but then again so did my anger._

Why did the tears always come, even if i tried so hard to not let them fall they came, they were like little warriors fighting a force field and winning.

I couldn't sit still, not for one minute.

I grabbed my coat and car keys and walked out to my car and started for the place that had once been so sacred to me, my safe haven, guardian.

**************************************************************************************

Fields of grass, and lots of trees, that all i could vaguely see.

A place where only me and Edward knew about, a place where i was comforted, and a place where i could let everything go.

Looking up into the sky, i saw blue skies and white fluffy clouds, Edward and i running around, playing cards and having picnics, well obviously i didn't really see that because, it was pitch black, but deep, deep beyond the dark and dull night sky, lay dreams, and happiness. And that i would never forget.

Falling down onto the grass and laying down, i closed my eyes, and breathed in the summer nights air. It was so much more peaceful when i came with Edward. Everything seemed at war with each other at the moment, nothing seemed to be going right.

The grass was long and breezy, and felt like a bed of silk. I swished my arms about and clenched the grass between my fingers, feeling every inch of softness. I saw soft sheets and feathers flying around me, covering me.

I opened my eyes again and looked back up into the pitch black.

"Why?" i cried.

"Why me, god please, i need something, tell me, what did i do?. Im sorry, im so sorry, take it back, i dont want to see anymore, i dont wnat to feel pain, please, pleaassee, i cant take it, im weak, im sorry please, god help me. Daddy please, help me, why did you let him do those things to me, you said that you'd always protect me, but you didnt, you left daddy, come back, come back to me, i didnt want you to leave, what did i do , tell me, tell me, what i have to do to make you come back, please" my voice turned to a whisper as i pleaded with nothingness, i just wanted this to all end, the arguing, the name calling, the rape, the abuse._ Make it stop please._

_**********************************************************************************_

My eyes flickered open, and i looked around.

Light, all i saw was bright light, and all i felt was breeze.

The meadow, i was still in the meadow, and for once in my last six months of terror, i had slept soundly, and safely. It was kind of ironic, how a girl could feel so scared in her own house, and yet so safe in the middle of a field alone.

I could lay here for days, so comfortable, even if it was grass i was laying on.

Today was Tuesday, and i couldn't seem to care less about school, i always strided to achieve in school, because thats all i ever had after the incident six moths ago.

Grades were one of only things that could keep me occupied, I am quite clever actually, and i think i could be even better if i didnt have lauren ripping my homework up and beating me around.

I only two things that can take me away from reality, which is my school work, and books, i drown myself in books, i let myself sink deap into them and live as the characters live, i only read happy books though, that way, i replace my life with that of a fairytale.

When i read books, i dont have to think about all the problems i have in life, and all the pain and hurt i feel, i just think about the life of the character, and how the main character, always finds true love, and always has a happily ever after.

Of course i tell myself that its true, that everyone has a happily ever after, everyone finds there soul mates, or true love. But i know they dont, Not everyone finds there soul mate, and not everyone has a happily ever after, and my life is the perfect example of that.

When i get sucked into a book my life is no more my life, i am the blond hair, blue eyed beauty, with the perfect long hair, the perfect sized chest, and the long sleder legs with a toned stomach. When i come out of my dream world, i hate the feeling of coming back to reality, to know that i am the girl that was raped, and i am the girl that was abused by her class mates, to know i will never have a perfect life, or even a normal life, eats me up inside, the book finishes and i look at my reflection, and see the dull brown eyed dead brown haired slut!!, thats what I'm called anyway.

You learn to live with it eventually, time passes by, and you start to realize, that , maybe people are right, _maybe i was asking for it, wearing a short skimpy dress, maybe i did deserve rape, maybe i deseved this life, and maybe, just maybe, i was ugly and anorexic and dull and dead. Maybe i was._

"_You don't belong here Bella, nobody wants you", "youre a waste of space" you slutty piece of shit"_

All of those words, cut really deap, i couldn't help but belive them though, who am i to say that loads of people are wrong, and only one person, me, is right. It doesn't work like that. A rumour spreads around school and everyone is so gullible, they actually believe it. I feel like hitting them over the head with a hammer or something, something to give them a little bit of common sence.

After a couple of hours of resting and thinking and laying in the grass, i finally stood up and looked up towards my truck.

It was so beaten up and ugly, and yet it was mine, and i loved it. It reminded me of myself, except I didn't love myself at all, quiet the opposite actually.

When i started my truck and drove away from the place i loved most, i sighed. If i could stay in that field forever I'd be happy, if i could die in that field i would happy. Surrounded by flowers and grass, under the shining bright sun. _things are never simple._

Sometimes i wonder about how i am going to die, am i going to get run over by a car, or am i going to drop dead from heart attack, or maybe one day i'll get beaten to death by lauren and her friends. Yeah it probably is wrong for someone of my age to be thinking about death, but if you had the same life as me, i bet you would to. It seems that death is probably the only thing to look forward to. Sometimes i think _why wait,_ why wait for death when i could easily do it myself, but im not taking the easy way out. Ive lived through James's punishments for so long now, that suicide wouldn't be worth it, going through all of that pain after all this time€, killing my self would be pointless, because then all of the things that james did to me wouldn't have been worth it. If i was going to kill myself, it would have been months ago.

I pulled into the school parking lot. It was 12:30, i was just in time for lunch.

When i got into the lunch room i was met by lauren.

"What you doing in here bitch, its not as if you eat anyway" she pulled a disgusted face, and i could tell what she was thinking, the same thing she thought every time she saw me._ You dont deseve to belong._

"Lauren, just leave me alone please, we used to be friends."

"The operative word being used, we will never ever, not now not next year, ever be friends, your a slut and you desereve to die in pain, get out of here, nobody wants you here" i winced at her words, there was a time where lauren and i were so close nearly as close as Edward and i.

I tried to shuffle past her, but her supposed friends grabbed me and pulled me back, everyone was watching in the caferteria.

I looked around and saw every one gaping, and in the corner, i saw Edward, fists clenched as he watched his girlfriend lauren taunt me.

"Lauren listen, just leave me alone, and i'll keep out of your way, i just want to sit down."

"Oh so she wants to sit down. Girls i believe the slut here wants to sit down, you know what to do" just what i needed. Laurens friends grabbed me by the arms and started to pull me outside.

When we reached out side i was immediately punched in the stomach and doubled over in pain.

I felt stings and pain go through my body as laurens friends kicked me.

I looked up and saw the grin on laurens face, and then suddenly i just shot up of the ground and punched her square in the face.

"lauren, you dont get it, you'll never get it, get the fuck away from me" i was about to walk away but was pulled back again by the girls and held up against my truck as lauren punched me over and over again. I could feel my eyes becoming heavy and little black spots invading my vision, but i refused to let the darkness over come me, i was stronger than that.

And thats when i heard it, Edwards voice.

"Lauren get the fuck away from her" the punching stopped and i looked up at Edward, and then i looked at lauren, her face wad mixed with confusion and annoyance.

"What the fuck eddikins why are you sticking up for this slut, after everything she did to james and Jessica"

He was ready to burst but i just looked at him through tears and shook my head pleading with my eyes for him to keep quiet.

"Yeah well, just leave her, before i make you" the girls dropped me and i was about to fall to the floor but Edward grabbed me, and then it went black. Darkness controlled my vision and all to quickly I faded into unconsciousness.

_Ok so I hope you liked it, i was actually crying myself as i was writing the part when Bella was in the meadow, its supposed to have seemed as if she was completely broken and sad. h it was so sad,i hope that it seemed like that lol please review. Xx love charisma_


	15. The break down

EPOV

When I put the phone down, I felt beyond angry and depressed. I wanted to kill him, make it long and painful.

I walked over to my wall and pulled my fist back before hitting the wall as hard as I could. When I looked at my wall, I saw blood. I deserved this, I deserved everything I got. I deserved to be in _pain_. The guilt I felt was beyond extreme, it was too much.

How could I have been so selfish and stupid? I keep asking myself how I let this happen, how I could let myself ignore her, and not give her a chance to explain. Everything was my fault.

She's been through, and is still going through hell and I could have done something about it.  
I hit the wall numerous times, and eventually my fist was just numb. I needed to do something about this.

**************************************************************************************

Bella's POV

I awoke to a room painted midnight blue. It couldn't be a hospital, hospitals where always white and smelt funny; this didn't though. This smell was like both lavender and honey at the same time. I wondered where I was, I couldn't remember much. Just being beat up by Laurens gal pals and then suddenly feeling light and empty.

The door opened to my room, and in walked a person I had not seen since Edward and I stopped talking; Carlisle.

I had missed him so much. He had been like a second father to me after my dad died, and I loved him like a father too.

"Hello, Bella, been a long time, hasn't it?" He looked stressed.

" Ye-yeah, you-you err could say that, listen Mr culle-"  
"Bella, please, you where like a daughter to me, its Carlisle" I had felt bad about calling him by Mr. Cullen, but it seemed like so long ago, I wasn't even sure if he liked me anymore.  
"Ca-Carlisle. I erm, what did Edward say to you?" He raised his brows, and I just kept my gaze on the floor.  
"Bella, sweetheart, he hasn't said anything. He's too mad and angry. I dread to think what the house is going to end up like if he carries on punching things, but I'd appreciate it if you could spend a little time with me to tell me what happened."  
I let the tears run down my face as I tried to not relive the memories of everything that had happened recently, and six months ago.

"Pleas-please Carlisle I-I can't do this, I'm sorry that I sto-stopped visiting, and I'm sorry that I never called. It's just, I- I can't do this. It hurts so bad Carlisle, please make it stop, I tried to make it stop, but it doesn't. The pain never goes away, nothing ever goes away, oh god." I sat on the bed crying into my hands. I cried for being born and for my dad, and I cried for having to live this life. How could anyone ever give a person so much pain?

I cried for all the people in the world who had gone through anything like this.  
All I could think was, Why me.  
Why me, why not somebody else? I know that sounds terrible, and, truthfully, I wouldn't make anyone bear the pain I have, but I couldn't help but wonder what I would be like if I hadn't been raped.

The door opened and Edward tried to walk straight to me, but I stopped him.

"Don't you dare come anywhere closer, don't you fucking dare" I got up out of the bed and winced as I put strain on my ankle. I kept my hand up to keep Edward away and started to move around him to the door.

He tried to speak.

"Please d-don't, don't say anything," I went to walk out the door, but tripped with the pain. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact of the cold hard floor, but it never came. Long muscular arms closed around me and pulled me stiffly to their body.

I looked up into his golden eyes and then just lost it.

"WHY, Edward? Leave me alone, let me go. how co-uld you do this? It's all yo-ur fault, all your fucking fault. He hurt me and its all your fault please, let me go, LET ME GO, NOOO, it's all here Edward, every touch ,every grunt, it's all locked up in here. My skin is tainted with his poisonous skin, I can't bear it. I'm dirty, covered in the filth of a rapist and it's all your fault. You didn't listen, you bastard, you didn't listen, why, WHY?" I pointed to my head, like a mad man, while thrashing around in his arms and yelling. My energy was disappearing. I felt weak as I hit and smacked his chest.

"Take it away, take it all away please, please just make it stop make the pain stop." My pleas became whispers. Just make it stop.

Third person

Edward held Bella in his arms as she pleaded and hit him. The amount of pain that was held in the both of them could have made a dormant volcano erupt.

Bella was thrashing and struggling, begging Edward to take all of her pain away, to make all those memories shatter into tiny little pieces, to set them on fire and make them burn. But he couldn't, as much as he wished he could, he couldn't. He couldn't take away the memories of James hands running up her sides, couldn't take away the engraved memory of his dark lustful eyes, he couldn't take anything away except for her happiness.

"Bella, please, ca-calm down," Edward tried to remain calm for Bella's sake, but all he could see was flashing images of James and Bella in his brain. It was like a robot overloading. He needed to get it out.

Bella carried on crying out of agony.

"You fucking bastard. You did this to me." Murmurs, everything she tried to say was murmurs, almost as if it hurt to speak.

"Edward, I can't live like this. It's getting to the point wh-ere I don't want to ev--en wake up in the morning, hoping I'v-e died in my sleep. D-do you know what sort of pain and hurt I must feel to think like this? You know sometimes-" she started laughing madly. "- this is crazy, but sometimes, I think I'm going to wake up any second, and it will all be over. BANG, nothing to worry about, Bella, it was all just one, big, fucking nightmare" She started fighting again, as hard as she could.

Edward looked at Carlisle and asked him to leave with his eyes. He needed time with her. Carlisle nodded and then walked through the door.

"Bella, stop, please stop it, you're going to hurt yourself." She didn't stop, so Edward did the one thing he could do. He grabbed her arms and held them to her side tightly.  
Her breathing was labored from all of the pain and panic. Her hair was a mess, she was as thin as a skeleton, and her eyes were bright red and wet. They looked like they had been in hell, and in Bella's case she had.

She looked at the floor as if she were ashamed, and then dropped to the floor by the bed.

Edward just watched for a second, not knowing what to do. He wasn't used to this sort of thing before. The last time he had even seen Bella half as bad as she was now was when her father died.

Edward had always hated seeing Bella in pain. It was like being stabbed in the heart and it never ending.

Bella's POV.

Feeling like everything was falling apart around you and inside hurts. It hurts more than anyone in the world could say. Because unless you had experienced as much pain as I have, then there was no way in hell a person could understand.

"E-Edward, p-lease, I ne-ed he-help. Something. All of this p-pain inside its too much."

"Do you know that, whe- when I look in the mirror I see a monster? I'm not Bella anymore. Bu-but I want to be. I want to be the girl that nobody hated. I want to be the girl that I used to be. Help me be that person. You owe me that at least, pl-please. I want you to take it back, take the nightmare away. Slap me, hit me, hell even fuck me, but just make me wake up. I don't want to sleep anymore. It's not fair. I don't want to sleep." I looked up at the ceiling as if it could help me and started yelling.

"I'm ready, please. I'm sorry for anything I did. I shouldn't have set traps out for the mice three years ago, and I shouldn't have played pranks on all the neighbors when I was twelve. I'm sorry for wishing this wasn't me, and I'm sorry for wanting me to be my mother. I'm sorry. But for fuck sake, it isn't funny anymore. I'm ready to wake up now. I'm here waiting. I take it all back please. PLEASE! Take it back. Please, ju-just listen to me."

I felt like I had finally cracked, like something inside me had finally burst and I had finally gone crazy. Because god knows I looked like I had. I was crying hysterically and yelling at nothing. I'm sorry. Why can't you wake me up? I'm sorry. Please, Daddy. Please, I want to wake up now. I-I've learned my lesson. I promise, pl-please. I begged inwardly, but nobody listened. They never listened, not one tiny bit. I'm always alone.

OK so im sorry its late ive been really busy :( but please dont give up and me. Review !! :)


	16. hurt

Hia everyone, im sorry that i havent been updating very quickly, but please bare with me, ive been having internet problems, it keeps connecting, and then not connecting lol. Anyway i hope you like this chapter.

**Edwards POV**

Eventually Bella calmed down, and i managed to get her into bed. She was physically and emotionally drained from everything that she had been through. The amount of despair and pain she must be feeling right now made me hurt so much more than i already did.

The thought of James disgusting hands running over Bella's body and her pleading for him to stop made me feel sick. And i promised myself that he would feel what he made Bella feel, and so much more.

*********************************************************************

When i awoke at 6:45 i walked into the guest room where Bella was residing, to find that she was no longer there. The bed was still rumpled from where she had slept but there was no Bella there. i ran downstairs with so many thoughts running through my head.

"Mo-mom. Do you know wher-" I stopped when i saw Bella sitting deadly at the breakfast bar. She was a pale as a ghost and looked terribly thin. I just wanted to take her into my arms and hold her for eternity, but i couldn't help feel terrible because of how this was all my fault.

"er-erm hi, i er, how did you sleep" she looked at me through emotionless eyes and replied.

"as terribly as i have for the last six months" she glared at me and then looked away.

I looked at Esme, my loving step mother and saw the confusion written all over her face.

-i remember when, well i cant remember because i was to young, but when Carlisle and Esme came to pick me up from the orphanage they told me i was so lost and hurt. They said that i had been in there for about six months and i was only two, but even though someone of that age couldn't possibly understand what was going on, it didn't seem that way, my bright green eyes peering up at two beautiful people. They said as soon as i saw them i burst into tears and Esme scooped me up and never let go.

It wasnt like that anymore though, we had been so close up until six months ago when everything fell apart. After that we just drifted, stopped talking, stop hugging. But i was going to change that.

When Bella and i stopped talking, i never told Esme or Carlisle what had happened, it was just a plain fact, that she was never to be mentioned in front of me again. I took a look around the kitchen to see the damage that i had caused, it looked pretty bad, and i that the bruises on my knuckles to prove it too . I wondered if jaz, Ali, Em and rose were in the living room keeping away. They where almost as bad as me when it came to bella, they where such good friends before the incident but the we all turned cold against her. They didn't even know still that bella was Rap- i couldn't even say the word it made me feel sick.

"You two kids better start for school if your going to be on time" Esme spoke.

I looked at the clock thinking it was way too early, but when i saw the clock i was shocked. It was nearly 7:30 the time had just disappeared as i was thinking, and now i had about twenty minutes to get to school.

"Yeah right, thanks mom. Well get going. Love you." i kissed her on the cheek, it was the closest contact i had had to her in a while and when i saw the smile on her face, i swore to myself i was going to try and make things right.

I turned to Bella.

"you ready to go?" she only nodded and stood up while thanking Esme for letting her stay.

"Its no problem dear. We've missed you"

She followed me out to my car and got into the passenger seat quietly.

When we reached school and entered the school doors, i saw James leaning casually against some of the school lockers.

"You bastard" i yelled to him as i moved towards him.

"Edward list-" Bang, my fist connected with his jaw and he toppled onto the floor.

"Your going to fucking die. You pig" i punched him a second time, and then went in for a third, but he grabbed my fist.

"What the fuck Cullen, what's all this for" he looked completely confused and the cocky smile on his face just made me want to kill him even more.

"Don't you fucking give me that crap you fucking dick. You know what you did to her, your going to pay for everything you did to her you fucking bastard"

I rammed him into the lockers hard and then hit him again.

He punched me back.

"I don't know what the fuck your problem is, but i haven't done anything to that worthless bitch!!" he spat each word out with venom which earned him another punch. I just wanted to punch him until his teeth fell out and then set him on fire and let him burn for forever. I was going to make him beg for me to kill him. Have him beg for me to end it because of all of the pain. It was going to hurt.

"Edward stop please" Bella's tiny voice shot straight through me, and even though Kieran and other people where yelling for me to stop, it was only when i heard Bella that i stopped.

I clenched my fists as to try and calm down but it did no good. I turned to Bella and grabbed her hand whilst pulling her down the hall.

"Edward, what the hell, let go. I don't need you to fight my fights for me ok, just leave it you've done enough" I heard all the whispers and gossip going on around and i could hear all the things they where saying.

_Did you see what he did to James._

"_What's he doing talking to that slutty piece of shit" _

"_I bet she seduced him as well"_

All the comments were making me all the more angrier, i wanted to punch all of their faces in, even my bitch of a girlfriend.

I looked around at the gaping faces and then turned back to Bella.

"Bella, hey i haven't seen you in a while sorry, are you ok?" Kieran was hugging Bella and she was actually responding. Nothing made sense, why was Kieran hugging Bella, and why was she letting him.

"Kieran what the fuck is going on?"

"Listen Edward me and belle, we- erm were kinda friends"

"When-when did this happen"

"i er- i dunno it just sort of happened" he looked worried.

"come on" all three of us walked into an empty classroom.

**Bella's POV**

Edward wad really angry, and its not that i didnt think James deserved it, he did, i just didnt want Edward to be the one to get back at him.

"Bella, hey i havent seen you in a while sorry, are you ok?" he hugged me, and i clung to him as if i was clinging for my like.

"Kieran what the fuck is going on?"

"Listen Edward me and bella, we- erm were kinda friends" that sounded nice _friends._

"When-when did this happen"

"i er- i dunno it just sort of happened" he looked worried.

"come on" we walked into an empty class room.

"Did you know" Edward asked Kieran. He was so angry, you could practically see the steam coming from his ears.

"Yeah, but i only just found out last this weekend"

"Why didn't you tell me"

"Edward, would you believe even if i had? No you wouldn't so just don't"

"Can we please just stop this, its me where talking abo-about I'm-I'm right h-here" tears sprung to my eyes again and i just wished it could all stop.

Do you ever get that feeling, or thought, when you think _what would it be like to go back and live your life, from lets say ten years old_. I do, i think about it all the time. I think about how if i could wake up tomorrow and be eight years old but have the memories of now, how i would change so much. I would have made sure my dad didn't go into work the day he died, i wouldn't have gone the beginning of the year party, i wouldn't have been raped.

I snapped out of my thoughts, only to see both Kieran and Edward staring at me.

The tears were streaming now.

"How the hell did you find out Ki"

"I erm tried to go talk to her to apologize after sleeping er- with her mom, anyway the doorbell wasnt answering and so i went to the door that led to the basement an-"

"Don't, Kieran please don't finish, just d-dont p-lease." i looked at him and his mouth shut.

"Bella please i need to know, that bastard is going to pa-"

"NO, do you not understand, Edward, James wont give up, none will believe me, just like you didnt"

"Bella, they will believe you please, just, he-he needs to pay for doing that to you"

I walked up to him sobbing now and stood in front of him.

"He never stops, don't you get, are you fucking thick, he wont stopped, Edward just leave well alone, he never gives up and even you thought I'd seduced him, you bastard, your the reason this keeps happening" I was breathing way to fast, it was almost as if i was having an anxiety attack, but there was no way, was there?

I tried to gasp for air, but i could gain it, i clawed at me neck trying to find air.

"Bella!!!, Bella calm down, stop right now, your going to hurt yourself" Kieran grabbed my hands and kept shaking me, yelling for me to calm down, while Edward was going crazy with worry asking what was wrong with me and trying to calm me down.

I took deep breaths _in, out, in out. I told my self trying to remind myself how to breath._

"IM-im ok please can you just give me a minute"

They both stepped back.

I stood up and inhaled.

"Ok so first of, lets just forget about everything ok,n-nothing ha-happened ok" i was chocking over tears and just kept swallowing trying keep them back.

I turned towards the class door and just as i got out the door i bumped into something rock hard, Emmet, and behind him stood Rosalie, jasper and Alice.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************

so next chapter we finally get to meet all of the cullens lol yay. i love rosalie. anway please review there will be more soon, thanks to kei-sho who is a great beta xxxx


	17. home

**Ok so im so sorry i havent got back to you guys. This chapter is only 800 words longer. Ive been really busy and neglecting my story i hope you can forgive me. I just have a lot of school work at the moment and ive been really stressed out, but i have a week off now so ill try and post the next chapter tonight or tomorrow depending on how many reviews i get. Reviews are great btw!! Im so thankfull to everybody im not naming because theres many of you who have put me on favourites or review me so i love you all.**

**BPOV**

I looked up to see Emmet and the rest of the Cullen's behind him.

All I could think was _lord please don't let them hurt me, _for the past six months the Cullen's have given me nothing but cold stares, snarls and sometimes here and there I would get a slap or two from Rosalie.

Not one of them would even give me the time of day, just so I could explain. They where just like Edward, and even though I loved them, I hated them for being so blind. For not seeing the bruises when I came in to school after every weekend, for not seeing the deadness in my once brown distinct sparkling eyes, for not ever wondering why I would ever give myself to a pig like James, when it was blatantly obvious that I loved Edward.

I used to be so happy, I had always been content with my life once I had gotten over my dad's death, it was like I had everything I needed, my best friend, a home, a family, the Cullen's they were my family. But not anymore, they despised me, and to be perfectly honest, in a way I despised them sometimes.

I tried to move to the side to get around Emmet but he just moved with me and wouldn't let me go when I dodged left he dodged left and so on.

"What the hell are you doing with this slut Edward?" I turned around to look at him, tears stinging my eyes ready to fall. I just shook my head at him _don't tell them_ I said inwardly.

I couldn't bare anyone else's pity, especially the Cullen's, who had never had the tiniest bit of trust in me, even though we had been child hood friends.

He squinted his eyes at me, and gave me the most sincere look I have ever seen._ no, he wouldn't._ he was going to tell them.

"She's not a s---"

"no Edward don't, please, don't say anything" I pleaded with my eyes but he wasnt listening, it was plainly obvious that he was going to tell them.

"Well, Edward? What the fuck is she talking about, why the hell are you hanging around with a betrayer"

"S-she's not"

I Brought a hand up to my mouth in disbelief.

I turned back around and looked up at Emmett's face. It was full of confusion and annoyance.

"What do you mean she's not, you saw it with you own eyes are you fucking blind now too"

"You don't get -, we were wrong, I-I w-was wrong, she didn't-"

I went to walk towards Edward.

"You idiot, shut up, shut the fuck up, please stop don't do it" I jumped him and tried to hold my had over his mouth. He tried to push me of but I struggled against him. I felt two rough arms pull me off of him and push me to the ground, SLAP.

SLAP.

I looked up to see the person who had hit me, and saw piercing ice blue eyes, ROSALIE.

SLAP, again my face turned to the side, I brought my hand up to my face in disbelief and just cradled my cheek. I don't know why it had taken me by surprise, I should have been used to it by now, but I wasnt.

The fact is, every time I hear that Thump sound or crack, or slap it still comes as a surprise. Even after everything I had been through, punching and kicking, I didn't find that half as bad as being slapped, because being slapped made me feel ashamed, when you watch television programmes on the TV and a woman slaps her husband in disgrace because has cheated, yeah that's how it makes me feel.

In some ways, I did feel ashamed, ashamed that I barely even tried to make James stop now, ashamed that even though I knew I could never stop him, I never even tried to stop him. I let his hands run over my body as if I where a scared little girl who was just terrified and week, but here I am a seventeen year old and still I cant fight off a boy my own age. Yeah that made me ashamed.

Rosalie lifted he hand again for another go and I closed my eyes awaiting it.

"ROSALIE, don't you fucking dare do that one more time, or you'll have me to answer too." the word were spoke with venom and i knew even without looking who the words belonged to.

Edward

*************************************************************************************************************************************

**EPOV**

Just as Bella was about to leave the classroom she stood statue still as she came face to face with my family.

_Fuck. This is going to be good._

She tried to dodge Emmet and get past him but he was being his usual ignorant self as he is always with Bella.

"What the hell are you doing with this slut Edward?" Bella turned to look at me. I looked into her eyes seeing nothing but loneliness and pain. Her eyes plead with me, i knew she didn't want me to tell them, but they had to know. Had to know what a monster James had been and all the things he had done to her.

I couldn't stand looking into those eyes. Those eyes that i had loved for so long.

"She's not a s---"

"no Edward don't, please, don't say anything"

"Well, Edward? What the fuck is she talking about, why the hell are you hanging around with a betrayer"

"S-she's not" i tried to explain in every possible way in my head first but anything i could have said would have sounded wrong.

She brought her hand up to her mouth in what looked like disbelief.

She then turned around and looked up at the expressions of all of my brothers and sisters faces.

"What do you mean she's not, you saw it with you own eyes are you fucking blind now too"

"You don't get -, we were wrong, I-I w-was wrong, she didn't-"

She walked towards me, so thin i didn't know how her legs could hold her up.

"You idiot, shut up, shut the fuck up, please stop don't do it" she went for the attack trying to get at me and stop me from talking until Rosalie pulled her off me. SLAP.

SLAP.

I looked to bella and saw a shocked expression accompanied with a huge white hand mark on her face. Everything had happened so fast i didn't see any of it happen but i heard it . I looked up at the culprit, Rosalie. And saw the anger sketched over her face.

SLAP, bella brought her hand to cup her cheek and i couldn't move everything felt like it was in pause or slow motion. My legs wouldn't listen to me and neither would my arms.

Suddenly Rosalie lifted her hand to again and i instantly came out of the trance standing up and grabbing Rosalie's wrist

"ROSALIE, don't you fucking dare do that one more time, or you'll have me to answer too." I spoke with all the pent up anger in my voice and I was pretty sure that even though i was surprised by, my voice my siblings were more surprised.

Rosalie's mouth hung open as if I had just spat in her face. Her cheeks reddened with anger and her eyes filled with hate and disbelief.

"Edward how can you stand by, and let that fucking whore trample all over you?" the way she spoke about Bella with such harsh words made me so furious but I tried to calm myself down. I took deep breaths and clenched my fists harshly as to try and calm my self.

"I'll talk about this later, but right now I need some alone time with Bella" I looked down at Bella and saw tears streaming down her face and my heart melted for her _my poor little angel._

"Edward Man what the f-"

"Em, Leave it we'll talk later" Emmet just left it at that, and if it hadn't have been for my extremely sure tone I'm sure that all of my siblings would have still be stood there. But they weren't and nor was Kieran.

I walked up to Bella on the floor and knelt down beside her. The bell rang, but I just ignored it whilst taking Bella's hand into mine.

She was dead. Everything about her was dead.

Her eyes, her body her voice, her sanity. Everything that she had strived on just six months ago was dead.

Seeing her like this was like being killed a thousand time.

Pain and despair were only two of the words that were no where near cutting the emotions that this lost little angel felt.

"Bella i-im going to get us out of here ok?" she gave me a shy nod but kept her eyes on the floor.

I let go of her hand and placed one arm under her legs and my other around her back and picked her up wedding style.

I knew she was thin but the lightness of her was drastic. She must have weighed no more than a young child, and that was not good.

I walked through the empty hall way and then through the school doors too my car. When I placed Bella in the car she didn't move. She just lay motionless and still and it killed me to see it.

Once I was behind the wheel I thought about all the places I could take her. I could take her to my home but my parents would be there. I could take her to her home but then I didn't think shed like to be left with such memories. Or I could take her to a place I knew she loved.

The meadow.

**Please review love charisma xx**


	18. sweet surrender

BPOV

When Edward put me in the car i just stared, for the longest time.

I thought over my whole life. Revaluated my situation and myself. I thought about being weak and how it wasnt helping me anymore. I thought about being sad and how even though ive cried myself to sleep many nights, it doesn't help. The amount of times i have let those tears fall free have been to many to count, and i cried because i knew i could, but there was never any relief and i remember thinking one time, that if i cried enough, i could cry all the bad memories and fears away, cry the feeling of his hand away, cry the feelings i was feeling away. But i couldn't because even though i had cried a lifetime of tears, there was still another lifetime of tears left to spill.

I looked out thought the passenger window and looked up into the sky. It was so dark and dismal and i couldn't help thing that if you could paint just half of what i was feeling right then, then that dark and dismal sky was the right picture.

But the thing that's different between i and the clouds, is that with the sky when you look at it you can most likely always tell if its going to rain or if you see stars in the sky at night that the day is going to be sunny, but with me you cant. Now my face holds no emotion I'm just still and lifeless, you cant read my emotion, because i don't just have one like the sky, I have hundreds and each and everyone are unreadable.

"Wh-where are we going" my voice was quiet but he heard me, he never used to but, now he did.

"you'll see" he said. His expression was one of the unreadable and i couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he thinking about all the things that had taken charge during the last six months, or was he thinking about how to explain this all to his family. I didn't know.

After ten minutes of silence Edward pulled up to the side of a main road i knew oh too well, and i knew exactly where we were. The meadow.

He came round to the passenger side and opened the door and grabbed my hand. I didn't pull away but i didn't clasp his hand either, i just left it still in his big warm one.

We walked for about a mile through woods until we finally reached the big open field that i had just two days ago slept on.

"D-do you c-come here often" i didn't know if maybe he'd stopped coming here since that day. It was our place, and maybe it hurt him as much as it hurt me to come here.

"I haven't been her since-, well you know since that-"

"That night, yeah i know the last time i had been here to was like that also except for the other day, i came here and i slept here, stayed here all day, and you know what i did, i cried. I cried so hard i thought my chest was going to break and my head explode. I just wanted something, comfort, i don't know, anything"

"I-im sorry Bella" i looked down at our entwined hands and let the tears rise again.

"Yeah me to Edward, and a lot of good that's gonna do ey?. Im sick of this, im sick of it all, sick of the memories, sick of the fighting. Sick of the mourning, Edward i feel like ive fallen and now im running and I'm trying to find my way back to who i used to be but i cant, its like im lost and to far gone to find my way, I feel like im suffocating in who i am and i need someone to breath for me. Like something's pressing on my chest and it hurts, god it hurts do badly. And i just want the pain to stop. Please make it stop Edward. Its too much and i need you to take it away"

He pulled me into his arms, and this time i didnt fight him, i didnt hit him and blame him for everything, i just cried whilst he held me. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and i felt safe and protected for once i felt peace.i lay my head upon his chest and let the tears run through his shirt.

"shh Bella, its ok let it all go. That's it Bella its ok" he cooed me and i just clung to him for dear life.

We ended up on the floor wrapped up in each other. Lying on our sides with Edwards arms wrapped around me pulling me close.

I turned around in his arms and looked up into his eyes, and for some reason i felt like i was home, i felt right for that moment.

Edward looked down at me and then leaned forward and place a soothing kiss on my forehead.

"I gu-guess we should get back, mom could get worried, its already 4:00 and the school has probably already called to say we skipped out." i looked into his eyes and then sighed.

"Yeah i- guess we should" he untwined his arms from me and then once he was stood up stretched his arm out for me. I took it and he pulled me into a hug and i breathed in treasuring every moment i spent in his arms.

"Dont ever leave me again, please" i pleaded with him and when he bent down and whispered in my ear.

"Never" I knew i was safe"

Ok so not very long but i hope you liked it, ill be updating soon maybe tomorrow but i have this concert so maybe not. Anyway please review xxxxx charisma


	19. The one you love

Hello everyone, OK this is not my beta version, because i was so excited to put this chapter up i just couldnt wait, but when my bet is done correcting i will be posting that, so sorry for any mistakes. Thanks Kei-sho you really are great !!

BPOV

When we arrived back at the Cullen house there were no cars in the drive and no lights on in the house.

_That's odd_ I said inwardly.

I looked up at Edward from the passenger seat of the Volvo and I just stared for a second, taking in his natural beauty.

His face was perfectly sculptured and his eyes where the most dazzling green color I had ever seen,his hair was beyond perfect, in style and color and his perfect sized lips. It was so hard to see anything other than a god in him.

He gave a confused look and I just shook my head, shaking my thoughts away.

"Why isn't anyone home?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know Bella, come on let's go in" we both got out the car, and walked up to the front door.

While I waited for Edward to unlock the big white glossy door, I took a look around the house that was once a second home to me. The house was big, very big, with wide windows, a balcony and a double car garage. I had always found much more comfort in this house than my own, because even though it was big, it was cosy, and homey.

"Bella are you coming?" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at Edward.

"Yea-yeah I'm c-coming"

I stepped over the thresh hold with my arms wrapped around me as security. It wasn't that I was scared, I was just used to it. You never know when someone could turn on you.

"Are you hungry? Because if you are I could make you so-"

"No, n-no thanks, I'm fine"

"OK, that's fine, do you want to go upstairs, maybe listen to music or something?"

"Ca-can yo-you play me something?" he looked at me and I took in his expression. Confused.

"Yeah sure come on" he took my hand and we walked up the winding staircase.

We passed lots of family photo's as we went up, and I made sure that I took each of them in.

I remember there used to be one's of Edward and I on the wall, but now there was nothing, not one picture, not one piece of evidence that we were ever best friends. That hurt.

When we reached the music room, it was dark. The drapes were shut , but the piano still stood elegantly in the middle of the dark yet welcoming room.

He turned the light on, but dimmed it so it was not so bright, and then took a seat in front of the piano.

I walked over to the far end of the room, into the corner. I sat on the floor where it was still very dark because the light was by the piano and dimmed so it didn't reach the whole of the room.

He started playing, and I instantly realized what it was, my lullaby.

_Don't cry_ I said to myself.

I rested against the wall, folded my arms and then placed my head on them.

I listened for about twenty seconds and then stood up and walked up to the piano. I sat down next to Edward and looked up at him. His eyes were so full of emotions, and I wished I could read every single one.

He concentrated on playing, and I could tell that he knew I was staring at him. I couldn't help it, I loved him so much, I wanted to tell him that I didn't blame him, how it wasnt his fault, but the truth was that I did partly blame him, and I did think it was somewhat his fault. I felt bad for thinking it because I was the weak one, but no matter how much I tried not to, I still hated how I thought about if he had just listened, then he might have been able to have stopped all the other times.

I watched his fingers dance along the keys. Perfect notes flowing out. I never once took my eyes away from his fingers, enthralling

When the song ended, I could still hear the music softly playing in my mind, I closed my eyes and breathed in.

When I opened my eyes, I was met by green orbs. I just looked at him, I felt like I could stare at his eyes forever, it felt so mesmerizing, like looking at the ocean, because even if you look at the ocean for hours and hours, you never get sick of it.

" My L-lul-lullaby" I whispered to him.

"I- I didn't think you listened to it"

"I wasn't going to, but I saw it in my car last week and couldn't stop myself"

"Thank you" I looked at him, bewildered.

"For what"

"For listening then, for listening now. When we stopped talking, I stopped playing, it hurt so much to come anywhere near this room, it was so hard just to even walk past it, because every time I did, I remembered us, and remembered all those hours we spent in there together. The first time I played again was when I came to your house last weekend, but it didn't feel right, because the thought of not having you around me whilst I was playing was wrong"

"Can we go to your room now?"

"Yeah" he shut the lid to the piano and we both stood up and walked to Edwards room on the next floor.

The house was dark ,it must have been rolling on around seven or eight o'clock now and the rest of the Cullen's were still not home.

When we got to Edwards room, I went straight to his bed and sat down taking in the scent of his room. His room was filled with CD's, he always loved music, even when we were really young.

Edward was standing in the middle of his room just staring at me.

"Ho-hold me pl-please" I couldn't believe I had just said it, but I did and I was glad.

"Bella-I"

"please, Edward, please just hold me"

He looked at me for a second before coming to the side of the bed and lifting the covers for me.

I took my shoes off and got in whilst Edward walked to the other side and got in.

I shuffled closer to him and turned around so I was close to and facing his chest.

It was nice, but I wanted to touch him, I wanted him to hold me.

she looked up at me.

" E-Edward, I don't bite"

"Goodnight Edward" i nuzzled my face into his chest.

"Goodnight Bella" He spoke so quietly and then kissed me on the forehead.

I closed my eyes and breathed in taking him in, hmmmmm, and it wasn't long before I found myself being sucked into the darkness, only this time no nightmares came.

**E POV**

I looked at Bella as i stepped through the door, she looked deep in thought, and i didn't like to disturb her, but it was cold out, and i didnt want to risk her getting sick.

"Bella are you coming?" I snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked up at me.

"Yea-yeah I'm c-coming"

she walked past me, her arms were wrapped around herself, almost as if she were trying to shield her self. i tried think if she would need anything, so many things were running through my mind.

"Are you hungry? Because if you are I could make you so-" she cut me off.

"No, n-no thanks, I'm fine"

"OK, that's fine, do you want to go upstairs, maybe listen to music or something?"

"Ca-can yo-you play me something?"

"Yeah sure come on"

I really didn't know why she would want me to play for her, maybe playing was as calming to her as it was to me, not that i had done much of it since _That night._

I took her hand and started walking up the stairs, Bella was very content in looking at all the family photo's we had climbing up the walls. we used to have many of me and Bella together too, of when we were little, or the first school dance in eighth grade when Lauren wasn't my girlfriend, But i took them all down six months ago. i was so angry, i couldn't look at them, Esme thought i was going crazy, riping all of the pictures off the wall, trashing my room, trashing the house, everywhere in the house was a place of destruction.

It was like i went into a depression after that, i couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, let alone play. Everything that i had loved about my life seemed to have fallen apart, and i felt like i was falling with it. After a while i could tell it was affecting everyone, Even Lauren was going crazy over our lack of contact, so i decided to pretend, yeah pretend. i pretended to be happy and OK, i pretended i was hurting every night, and i pretended that i could sleep, i faked everything, and in the end i was beginning to fool myself.

When we got to the music room i dimmed the light and sat in front off the piano.

I didn't start playing yet, not because i didn't know what to play, just to take in everything that happened, and just to spend as much time as i could being grateful to have Bella hear right now.

I looked over at Bella. she was in the dark corner of the room, sat against the wall with her head rested against her arms, she was silent and she looked so fragile on her own. i wanted to hold her and protect her forever, but how could i when i had already broken that promise to myself.

I started playing, i was playing Bella's lullaby, i wondered if she knew what this was, i gave her the song on a cd before the party half a year ago, but she had never listened to it, or if she had she never told me.

my fingers coasted alond the keys as i began to play. Every fibre of my being felt like it could feel bella everwhere, her beauty, her sadness, her love, her kindness, everything.

during the middle of the lullaby, i felt bella move to sit next to me. i could feel her staring, and i wished that if i could turn around and look at her now, that i wouldnt find any sadness sprinkled across her face, or any despair written in her eyes, but i knew i wouldnt.

when the song ended everything was quiet yet peaceful.

"Thank you" she looked at me astonished.

"For what"

"For listening then, for listening now. When we stopped talking, I stopped playing, it hurt so much to come anywhere near this room, it was so hard just to even walk past it, because every time I did, I remembered us, and remembered all those hours we spent in there together. The first time I played again was when I came to your house last weekend, but it didn't feel right, because the thought of not having you around me whilst I was playing was wrong" there was silence again before she spoke.

"Can we go to your room now?"

"Yeah" i wanted to tell her how sorry i was again, but knew that no matter how many times i said it, it would make no difference.

My brothers and sisters where still not home, and the house felt so quiet and dark.

when we reached my room, Bella went straight for the bed and sat down. i wasn't quiet sure what she was doing, but if she was anything as similar to me, then she was remembering, just in case, remembering every place of the furniture, and every object on the shelf.

"Ho-hold me pl-please"

"Bella-I" i didn't want to make her uncomfortable, you hear all the time about how rape affects people and i didn't want to put our healing friendship at risk.

"please, Edward, please just hold me"

when we both got in the bed, i didnt touch her, or hold her, i just lay there whilst she scooted closer to me and turned to face my chest.

" E-Edward, I don't bite" all i needed was that, and my arms were wrapped around her in an instant.

"Goodnight Edward" she nuzzled her face into my chest, and i couldn't help but think we were a perfect fit.

"Goodnight Bella" i kissed her forehead and held her closer.

Ok so i hope you liked it, i know i said i would update but i was so busy llol sorryxxx anyway please review love charisma


	20. And the fun begins Yay!

I awoke to the sound of a door slamming.

'Oh no'

I went to get up but Edward's strong arms tightened around me and I tried to free myself, but it seemed that Edward wasn't going to let go this time.

So many images and thoughts went through my mind about what would happen if I went down there. I couldn't face it, and I couldn't face them.

I was scared, and I was still afraid after everything that had happened, but this was a new sort of scary for me, because they were all once my unofficial family.

I looked around Edward's room taking in its appearance. It had changed extravagantly. There were no cds on the shelves and no music player on the table in the far corner. This wasn't the Edward I knew. Edward had always been in love with music from the very start, how could that change?

I was facing Edward's white bedroom door and the feelings inside me weren't the most comforting of things to feel, so I rolled over to give myself a little assurance.

I was met by Edward's green emerald globes when I rolled over. Looking into his eyes was like being lost at sea with nowhere to go.

He pulled me closer to his chest. It might have been because of the extreme worry written all over my face or just for comfort, but never the less I hid my face in his chiselled chest as safety.

His warm breath danced along my neck and made me shiver.

"They're not going to hurt you, Isabella, I promise, never again." I know that after everything that has happened I shouldn't believe everything that comes out of his mouth, but I did, because at that moment those words were my haven.

No one ever called me Isabella, but in this very second it was all the reassurance I needed, and I wasn't going to ruin it.

I pulled my hand up to his face, and moved a strand of his bronze hair out of the way. Then I looked at him, not stared like I had all of those times, I really looked.

I looked at his soft pale lips and the darkness under his eyes. I looked at the smile that I hadn't seen in almost seven months, and it hurt not to see him happy and bright, but at the end of the day it hurt because when I look in the mirror I see exactly the same thing. I buried my head in his chest again, but he reached for my chin and raised my face.

"You really are beautiful, you know that." I tried to look away.

"No, I'm really not."

He pulled my face to him again, not with force, but with a gentle pull as to let me know he was telling the truth.

I looked up into his eyes and gave him a look of confusion.

"I'm not saying that because I believe you need it, I'm telling it to you because it's the truth.  
You're not beautiful just because of the way you look on the outside, but you're beautiful on the inside too. Every ounce of your being is stunning"

I couldn't believe how sincere he looked, because I knew it couldn't be true, but I just left it at that, not feeling the need and strength to take it further.

"What time is it?" I changed the subject quickly.

"It's erm 5:30 pm. Do you want to maybe go take a shower or something, clear your thoughts and relax a little?"

I nodded nonchalantly, stood up, and walked into Edwards bathroom leaving it unlocked.

******

The shower was refreshing and calming and I somewhat felt at peace with myself for a second.

I wrapped a towel around myself and walked to the huge mirror above the sinks. I looked at my reflection and hated what I saw.

I threw my fist into the mirror and it cracked in the middle, tiny little pieces of the glass spitting into the sink. Looking at my fist, I saw blood and started to feel dizzy.

I stumbled to the farthest wall away from the door and mirror and sat down.

I don't know how I could go from being so calm to feeling so much hatred for myself in such little amount of time.

My whole body was shaking again in hysterics and the blood was still running down my arm, though I didn't even try and stop it.

I didn't think about the blood. I thought about what I had just done and what Edward was going to do when he found out.

***

"Bella, are you okay in there?"

"Do-Don't come in. Please…" My voice was nervous and scared and it wouldn't be hard for Edward to pick up the hysteria in it.

"Bella? What's going on?" He turned the door handle and before he could open the door I shouted.

"Don't! Please, don't come in."

"Listen, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just coming in to see if you're alright. Okay?"

"O-okay."

The door opened and Edward walked into the steamed filled bathroom. He looked at the mirror and then at me.

"I'm sorr-sorry. Please, I'm sorry."

"Bella, it's okay. Don't worry it's fine."

He looked at my hand.

"Let's get you sorted out."

"O-okay."

He bent down, helped me up, and led me into his bedroom, where we were met by the Cullen family.

"Edward, what the hell is going on here?" Alice half shouted. The anger was practically seething through her teeth.

It didn't look so good, me with blood all over my arm and in just a towel, and Edward with no shirt on. I'd say it looked pretty suspicious right now.

I could feel myself shaking in Edward's arms whilst he held me up. My legs were quivering and I silently begged that he didn't let me go because I didn't think I had enough strength to keep myself standing.

"Alice, not now please."

"Did you fuck her, Edward, did you fuck that slut?" Edward's face was going red very quickly and I could feel all of the pent up feelings lying in the air.

"Alice, you don't know a thing about what's happened, so I suggest you keep your mouth shut before I shut it for you."

"Then tell me what the fuck is going on EDWARD. What's happening? Why are you suddenly all over Bella after all she's done to Jessica and us? She's a whore! Tell Me!"

"He c-can't" I whispered.

"What? Did you hear something? Did the little bitch just speak?" Alice looked straight at me with a death glare.

"Don't talk about her that way. She didn't do anything. We're the ones who got it wrong!"

"WRONG!! HA!" She was going hysterical.

"How can you go wrong with a slut, Edward?"

"She's not a SLUT. It's not her fault."

"It IS!"

"NO, IT'S NOT!"

"IT IS!"

"SHE WAS RAPED YOU BITCH!" Edward shouted loudly at Alice.

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" I screamed so loud I thought everybody's head was going to pop off.

"Stop, please, I can't take it. Just stop!"

***********************************

BPOV

It has been one month since everything that has happened in Edward's bedroom.

The whole of the Cullen's know all about what James had done, and I am currently residing in Edward's bedroom with him every night.

The hate in the house has somewhat been changed into a kind of healing sadness and upcoming happiness for many people, and the Cullen's are trying hard to make amends with our long lost friendships.

As for what happened the day of the truth well, let's just say it was pretty lifeless and sad to say the least.

ONE MONTH AGO

"Oh, God." Alice's hand came up to her mouth in disbelief as she fell to her knees.

Emmet was holding Rosalie to him and Jasper was just standing by the door in the same position for the last ten minutes in shock.

"I-I'm so sorry." Rosalie could barely get the words out. She was so upset and ashamed of what she had done.

At that moment, Bella didn't care about the sympathy and apologies that should be in order, she just wanted someone to hold her and tell her it was going to be okay. She hadn't had a female presence to talk about what had happened in the last six months, and that is what she needed right now: support.

"The-there's just so much to work through to get back to normal. I don't think I'm ever going to be normal. We have to learn if we can still be the same people and learn to be friends again and forget the arguments. Trust has to be built and it takes time, and can- can we just skip that part.... Please." Tears were streaming down everybody's faces as Bella moved silently towards Rosalie.

Within seconds Bella was in Rosalie's arms clinging to her for dear life.

"I've missed you so much. "Rosalie's voice was filled with so much sincerity it was hard to believe that there had ever been any arguments or aggression between them.

Bella looked up at Emmet and he held his arms out to her.

"Come here baby girl," Edward said with a sad smile on his face. Bella practically knocked him on the floor when she jumped into his arms even as small and fragile as she was.

***

BPOV

Through the past month a lot has happened.

Once I told Carlisle and Esme about James they tried to convince me to go to the police, but if there was any way of them believing me, there was only going to be one way, and that was the video of the rape itself.

I'm not sure I want that tape to be seen by anyone except the people that had already seen it, and those people were me and Edward.  
I'm ashamed to even think about people watching that tape, and the fact that if I handed that in a lot of people are going to be seeing me in my most vulnerable state and I'm not sure I can handle it.

I closed my diary and put my pen down.

Most of my stuff had been moved into Edward's room. My mother has barely even noticed my absence so I guess I'm better off with the Cullen's.

Today is the first day back at school. I haven't really missed one month of school more like 1 week if you exclude the two weeks holiday we were supposed to have anyway so according to school it's only been 1 week.

I'm really nervous about going back. None of my other friends except for Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmet know anything about the rape, so I'm wondering if Edward was just going to go around as if nothing happened and let everyone still believe that I had tried to seduce Jessica's boyfriend. Well we'll see.

"Bella, can I come in?"

"The coasts clear, Edward, come on in." He opened the door, poked his head through and I smiled up at him.

"Hello sleepy head, how about some breakfast in bed before we get ready for school" he opened the door and walked in with a tray of food and a rose in his hand.

"Well, I wouldn't say no to that, after all it would be rude."

He walked around to the side of the bed and sat next to me before placing the food on my lap.  
He was so close to me. I turned to him, gave him a huge grin, and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you," I whispered in his ear, and he grinned back at me.

***  
When I finished the yummy pancakes he had made me, Edward removed the tray and I lay back on the pillows for a second, on mine and Edward's bed. I smiled to myself at the thought.

I'm not sure how long it is going to last, but I'm going to savor every minute of it. I know it is kind of weird, because any normal parent would no way in hell let their teenage son sleep in the same bed as his best friend, but I guess special circumstances call for special measures.

Edward's relationship with Lauren was by far ended, and I couldn't help but feel like there might be some hope left for me. I just needed for us to settle down first.

"Ready to be getting back to the person you used to be?" I looked at him

"You know what, Edward, I'm not sure I want to be that person. I just want to start off fresh, not be fake like I used to be. Sometimes I feel like... If I hadn't have been so fake and dumb like Lauren and Jessica, then maybe what happened with James wouldn't have happened."

" THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT." Edwards jaw was tense now

He spoke with reassurance and I let out a sigh.

"Okay, I'm sorry, not my fault. I get it"

"Good now. Go get dressed."

He got up and waited for me to get up.  
As I started for mine and Edward's walk in closet, I felt a tap on my butt and turned around to see Edward's grinning face one more time.

AND the fun begins.

Ok so you may have noticed a little part of my writing was kind of a quote from buffy but not one lol you'll know what i mean if you have watched BTVS

ANyway i think this chapter was kind of cheesy, so please be hones, if you think it was a bunch of crap i understand lol. anyway theres going to be a lot more fun in the next chapterss, romance begins. Please review xxxx love charisma


	21. Chapter 22

So many of you have asked when the next update is going to be, since ive been really evil and not updated since last year.

I'll do a deal, if i can get 10 reviews telling me that they want this story continued, then i will start writing straight away.

I guess i just thought that the story was starting to get boring, but i just reread most of my chapters, and i realised the love i have for this story, though my writing may not be the best and there are mistakes in practically every line.

If i do continue this story, things are going to get a lot hotter (my favorite part J) and bella is going to live a little and learn to not get over the rape, but to put it past her.

Anyway just review this chapter and i promise i will continue the story 3 Charisma


	22. belonging?

So i'm back, and yes i am back with a new chapter, i hope everyone is smiling as much as me right now.

First of all, huge apology to any of you that started reading a year ago and haven't had a review basically since, it annoys me completely when people do that to me, so I can understand how you feel .

Anyways since I haven't spoken to my beta since like last year I was wondering if anyone out there would like to be mine. Just pm if you like and then we can go from there J

I'd also like to mention that my computer is messed up and I do not receive any review alerts so I had no idea that any of you had actually reviewed for more!! So today when I went back to reread what I had already I was like OH my gosh! Haha I have 400 reviews :D I love you all for that!

Anyways here's the chapter . charisma x

**Previously.**

**Bella used to be:**

**Friends with basically everyone.**

**Best friends with "lauren and Jessica" Edward and Angela**

**Inlove with: Edward**

**Now: Edward knows the truth, he knows of the rape because he's seen the video.**

**She's friends with Jason who has stood by her for quite a while now.**

**The Cullens know about the rape and are trying to make it up to her. She's living with them.**

**Shes falling inlove with Edward…. again.**

I am currently sitting at the back of the class surrounded by The Cullen family.

A smile is presently planted on my face.

Edward is sitting in front of me. Alice to my left, Rosalie to my right and jasper and Emmet either side of Edward.

I haven't fully forgiven any of them to be honest, no matter how much I try and tell myself and them that it's not their fault, I can't help but feel that they could have given me a chance from the beginning.

The only person i'm fine with is Alice. Words cannot describe how much i have missed my bubbly best friend, just her presence in my life make everything that little more bearable.

The onlu reason alice and i are fine is because she tried to get answers out of me six months ago, she called and tried to speak to me, but I wouldn't answer, I guess she just presumed that I had done what everyone had said since I didn't tell her any different.

But we're all trying now, I cant help but feel that maybe they are going to leave me again. I have a sense of insecurity still, which I guess is normal.

I have a strange feeling In my stomach. I know Edward is up to something, but I cant figure it out, he's been whispering to jasper and Emmet all morning.

No-one knows about the rape except the Cullen's and Jason. The only people I need right now.

I wouldn't mind trying to talk to Angela, but right now I don't want to cause her any more unneeded problems with Lauren and Jessica.

A feeling of calmness and contentment sits inside of me as i sit and wait for homeroom to end.

"what lesson do you have love?"

I look up to see Edward standing in front of me, his emerald green eyes staring into mine. I know it's silly but, sometimes i feel as if he's gazing into my soul. His eyes go so far into me, its hard not to feel like those green orbs have touched something inside of me.

"huh?" I ask confussed.

"The bell just rang. Bella love are you okay?" he places his hand on mine as I stand up. My new George Gina & Lucy bag which Alice had recently imported from Germany still lying on the floor besides my desk.

"Oh.... yeah Edward don't worry im fine. Just.... day dreaming" I smile up at him. It feels strange to have such a different facial expression upon myself, it's been so long since i've smiled that i was beginning to think that maybe people can forget how to.

"I have English."

"what?"

I giggle. And i thought i was the slow one.

"Now whose day dreaming?" I tease him lightly and he just flashes his picture perfect crooked smile at me.

"Sorry its been a while since we've done this." He say's as he places his hand on my cheek.

A silence broke out among us until i finally spoke again.

"You used to have my time table memorized." I look down and try not to look upset but my chin doesn't stay down for long as his pale hand lifts my face to look up at his.

"I'm sorry, forgive me" he wipes the tears at the corner of my eyes.

" I already told you I forgive you Edward"

"Do you really? After everything I've done to you bella, everything i've put you through. Somehow sorry is never going to be enough, we both know that."

He leans down and places his lips softly on mine for a second before stepping back and taking in my expression. If my body wasn't confussed before it definatly was now. Is it possible to feel this many emotions at the same time?

"wh-why did you do that?"

"Actions speak louder than words."

"Edward what the hell are you doing with that whore!"

Jumping out of shock I see Lauren standing in the hallway looking at us.

I Cower behind Edward.

"Lauren I have nothing to say to you. And she is not a whore." His words were harsh. I've never seen Edward like this before.

" That whore ruined everything! And now all of a sudden what? Did the slag offer you something i couldn't give you Edward?! Well?! Did she?!"

"I'm not yours Lauren! I was never some belonging you could just place a claim on! Leave Isabella alone."

Lauren turned on her heels but not before screaming in her own childish manor.

Whilst Edwards back was faced towards me as he watched Lauren retreat down the hall way i ran towards the bathroom.

* * *

Once i reached the bathroom i sank to the floor and breathed heavily to try and stop the tears.

_Why am i crying? why the anxiety?_

_Its like I'm being stifled, like i cant get enough air._

"Bella?"

I look up and see Edwards head poking through the door.

"I'-I'm sorry" my voice is weak and pathetic.

"Bella there's nothing to be sorry about, non of this is your fault, it's his"

"Edward i can't get him off me, his touch, his smell. It's all over me. Will it ever get better? Tell me it's going to get better. Please. Tell me I'm going to wake up in the morning and be able to smile just because i can. Tell me that there won't be anymore tears to cry this time tomorrow. Just...... Tell me it's going to be okay."

My fists were now scrunched into Edwards Jersey as he was now bending down besides me.

"It's going to be okay." He whispered lightly to me.

* * *

_So, i know it's taken a while, and this is a very short chapter, but there is definitely a lot more to come, and it will be a lot more exciting as well._

_Review please._

_Charisma._


	23. That Little Pixie!

Three months have passed since Lauren had tried to convince Edward of his wrong doings with me.

I haven't seen James since that day I came back to school. I'm relieved.

Not having to see him day in and day out makes it that much easier to get through the day.

Of course there has been a few break downs since The Lauren incident, I'm not expecting to ever get over what has happened to me, time will help me heal but It will always be there.

I can only hope that one day I will learn to deal with my past.

They say It's one of the hardest things to do, deal with rape. Having to deal with the fact that someone you do or don't know has touched you in the most intimate way imaginable without your permission.

Having a family around you is the most help you could possibly receive because lets face it, comfort is all anyone can give to someone in my given situation. Not one person can take back my past, but they can help me towards a better future.

I feel like my future belongs with Edward. I would never tell him That, I know he doesn't feel the same way. Don't you hate that feeling when you love someone more than anyone else could love them in the world, but at the same time you know it will never be enough for that person.

Its a type of frustration one can only feel through loving a person that doesn't love you back.

Rumor has it that my mother Renee has up and Left to Arizona.

I couldn't really care less.

Some Teenagers spend Years wishing they had parents to look after them, wishing they could be taken out of care and handed over to there birth parents.

I say they're lucky to have been taken away from people who would just hurt them anyway.

Most people back stab you in life. It's a lesson I've been forced to Learn.

I reckon I sound like an old begrudging woman who does nothing but hate. Rape can do that to a person.

"WE ARE GOING SWIMMING!"

That screech through the whole house is what woke me this morning, And who did this scream belong to you may ask, no other than the little bubble of energy we call Alice, actually little can only describe Alice's size, everything else about her is the furthest from small.

I turn around in the bed to find Edward chuckling.

"Can always count on Alice to keep us from Boredom, love ."

The expression on his face, was that of an amused person.

I can't Imagine anything about having to go swimming Amusing since, this means I will have to wear swim wear.

"Edward I'm not going swimming."

The stern look on my face should have convinced the bronze haired man in front of and yet it didn't.

"Bella, If you don't start living, you're going to find yourself feeling worse than you did the day before.

No-one is going to hurt you, I'll make sure of it, plus if I know Alice, then it isn't just swimming in a public pool as our days activity."

You know that feeling of not being able to say no to someone you love. Well that is the feeling I am feel right at this moment.

Making our way down stairs confusion covers my face.

Everyone but Edward, Carlisle, Esme and I were filling the car with suitcases.

"What's going on?"

Esme answered my question.

"we've decided That you kids need a to Take a Break a little bit early." She smiled Gallantly at me.

Esme had always felt like a mother too me.

Even when We were parted for so long.

She told me that she had always wanted to get in touch with me, but it was always so hard to find time. She has told me of the rare time's she had been in Forks whilst everything had happened to me.

Her sister Had been Very Ill and so Carlisle And Esme were very rarely in Forks, and when they were, it was only for work. In fact, they rarely even saw their own children as they were always out when they were home.

"I don't understand, where are we all going? I Though we were going swimming?"

" You kids, not us, are going to stay in our log cabin for a few weeks."

"But-"

"Isabella Darling, you will be safe nothing will harm you,, it's just to Take a break and relax, we thought if you left a week early it would be a lot quieter since the rest of the school's around that area aren't breaking up for a few more weeks, which will give you a lot of time to absorb some peace and quite, well as much peace and quite that you will ever possibly get with Emmett's big mouth Around."

I laughed. Emmie had always been a loud one.

"I need to pack-"

"Nope! I already packed for you when you and Edward were watching movies yesterday after school."

I turned to look at Edward.

"I knew she was planning something, I just didn't know it would be this extravagant" He tried to explain his self, it was pointless... We were going away and that was that apparently.

"So, all you need to do is get your little butt in that car and we are off!" The grin on Alice's face was the proof of her excitement. Peace and quiet... Ha! Yeah right.

After Eating breakfast quickly and sorting myself out, I turned to say goodbye to Carlisle and Esme.

Though I wasn't too happy about the whole situation, I still had to thank them, their hearts were in the right places and they were just trying to help.

"Thank you, really." I hugged them both tightly.

"Here, take these. They're just calming Pills, if you feel any anxiety just take one, you'll feel relief, they may sometimes make you tired though."

I said my thanks and made my way to Edward who was waiting by the front door for me.

Since Returning back to school Three months ago I have been inseparable from Edward, I'm not too sure how he feels about that but I'm just not ready to let go yet.

I know he keeps saying that he'll always be there to protect me and he'll never let anyone hurt me but, I'm stopping him from scoring any girls and as hard as it will be for me too give him up, I have to let him go for what he wants.

He took me by the hand but, as he did, a jolt of energy passed through me.

I've never felt so connected before.

I turned to look at him, and for a second it was almost like he had felt the same thing. It couldn't be true though, he would never want someone as tainted and ugly as me.

"Let's go, as soon as we leave, the sooner we will get there." He smiled at me as he opened the car door for me.

And as quickly as I had been woken up this morning I was off too the Cullen's Family Winter home for a few weeks away.

**Review and I will get too thee cabin as quick as possible! and the next chapter will be quicker and longer :) x**


	24. A day at the pool (Tiny change)

The car ride up until now had been fairly interesting. Emmet had competed in a "How much Pepsi can you drink" competition and had been throwing up for the last hour and a half outside a tiny run of the mill gas station, meaning an hour on top of our twenty hour car journey to Utah. Apparently, according to Alice, this long ass drive would be a great way for us all to bond.

As the Hours, the trees and highways passed, I felt myself drifting in and out of consciousness. People always said that doing nothing was the most tiresome job. Edwards Lap became a natural hibernation spot for my head to rest and every now and then I felt his Gentle hands drift across my hair sending waves of calmness flushing through my body.

It wasn't until I heard Edwards's soft voice whisper in my ear that I realized we were finally at the log Cabin. It was gorgeous, so inviting, everything you'd imagine when log cabin comes to mind.

"Its late love, we should get some rest." And although I had slept for what was most of the car journey, I felt myself agreeing with him.

Our Bedroom was the perfect mix of lilacs and creams, flowers covered the vanities whilst the bed sheets were a simple deep purple. The bed looked like it was full of a thousand soft clouds and they welcomed me with grace as I hit the pillow.

"Bella, you should change into something more comfortable." I heard him though my eyes were closed and my mind content, I pretended I was asleep and hoped I wouldn't have to move and not seconds later I felt those compassionate hands replacing my clothes with a simple night dress. I trusted him, only him.

"Edward! Bella! If you guys don't come down right now so help me you will regret it!" I rolled over on my tummy and let my eyes rest on the most gorgeous man lying next to me. He leaned over and pecked me on the forehead. It burned.

"I suppose we should go down there before we really do regret it, what do you say Bells?" He chuckled lightly and casted his hand under my chin, he stared into my eyes.

"I guess." I sat up and turned to face him again. "Any idea what she has planned?"

"No but don't worry It won't be too extravagant today."

After dressing in plain skinny jeans and a simple Abercrombie grey tank top I made my way to the kitchen.

"PANCAKES!" Emmet's favourite breakfast, he may look scary but he's a big kid really. His eyes gleamed with satisfaction as he counted how many pancakes Rosalie had cooked.

"Rosalie I officially Love you even more! But wait! Where are your guy's pancakes?" Emmet's jokes were initially only funny because of how ridiculous they were.. Now no-one would laugh, but because no one laughed, it then became funny and in turn people would laugh… it takes a while to catch on.

As we sat around the table and discussed the activities for the day whilst munching on pancakes with syrup, I felt content, a smile even lit up my face as I looked around at everyone's happy faces, I felt abit taken aback, how should I act? Should I trust them yet? What if this is all a dream?

"Swimming it is then!" Alice's grin couldn't have been any wider even if she tried.

"Oh Bella I have the perfect bikini for you!"

My stomach dropped and I gave Edward a look of doubt and then pouted. He dropped his hand on top of mine under the table and gave me a reassuring squeeze as he leaned over to my ear and whispered.

"Love, you are beautiful, embrace it. We are family, we love you." _I'm in love with you._

I wanted to say it to him, I really did but I couldn't. Not now in front of the entire family, not ever. Would I always feel this way? Would I always be in love with someone that would never ever love me back.

"Alice I don't have the figure to pull this off! It's too revealing." I cringed at the thought of me in this skimpy bikini, though it covered far more than Alice's and Rosalie's bathing suits.

"Nonsense Bella, this is a new you, time to make a fresh start. You are stunning and besides it's the most Nun like bikini I could find at Gucci!"

I looked up in the mirror one more time. A dark Midnight blue and gold bikini covered my body and Alice had given me a blue sarong to wear outside the pool. Though we were just using the log cabins private pool, fashion still seemed of high importance to Alice.

This is going to be one long day.

As us girls made our way to the pool with our towels I felt shy and embarrassed and even sick to my stomach. What will the boys think of my tainted body? I look hideous.

I spotted Edward staring at me as soon as I stepped in to the room and I covered myself with my arms.

He came towards me and I looked at the squared patterned floor.

"You Look amazing!" His face beamed up at me in a big smile and I couldn't help but smile a bit too. Was he just saying it? Of course.

"Really? I didn't think I could pull it off."

"You have an amazing body Bella, Come on, let's swim."

He picked me up bridal style and I blushed such a dark shade of red I nearly died right there. I hid my face in the crook of his neck for a moment as he stepped into the water. I opened my eyes and met his.

_Heaven._

I felt like I was in heaven and although the others were here as well, it felt like it was just Edward and I.

Sometime whilst entering the pool the doorbell had rang.

"Eddieeeee!" A loud screech reached my ears and my head snapped up to see who the familiar voice belonged to, Tanya.

So what's going to happen now that Tanya, Edward's first love is back in play. After all who hates Bella more than Tanya?

I'm so sorry for the wait! Please review! xxx More coming soon :) xx


	25. Tanya

All of a sudden my grip had tightened, my throat had swelled and my heart was beating faster than I had ever felt it beat.

Why just as it was going well did I always seem to have such bad luck. Am I such a bad person? Do I deserve this?

I saw Edward's face light up as if his guardian angel had just walked in. Did he not remember how much she had hated me since we were children? Was this a plan? Had the Cullen's purposely invited her to hurt me again?

I quickly found my way out of Edwards arms and hurried for my towel. I wrapped it as tight around me as possible.

"I erm.. I'm not feeling so great I think I'm going to lay down."

As I hurried off to the bedroom I heard Tanya in the background.

"Oh Eddie I've missed you so much! When I heard you were down here by Carlisle I just had to pop in and say hello! Although I didn't realize she would be here."

That's as much as I heard as the voices drowned out. I suppose when she said "she" it was me she was talking about.

Not long after I had changed and got back into the warmth of Mine and Edwards bed, there was a knock at the door.

I ignored it. Go away, just go away.

"Bella? Are you okay? We didn't know she was coming, we were ambushed. I spoke to Carlisle he said he hasn't spoke to Tanya in months. I don't know how she found out we were here."

Do I trust her? I mean out of anyone of them surely Alice wouldn't lie to me?

I don't know, I feel scared, anxious, she wants my Edward again, if she takes him away I don't know how ill survive.

"I know you love him Bella, it's written all over your face, its obvious to anybody but Edward."

I looked at her with a slightly tear stained face.

"What!?... No-noo I don't Alice that's crazy talk.."

I couldn't trust her with this could i?

" Bella come on, I'm not going to hurt you we've been through this, I'm not out to get you the past is in the past and you have no idea how guilty I feel about how everything happened and how I treated you. Trust me, you can I promise."

"How Alice? I'm scared… I don't want things to go back to how they were, what if this is a trick? You could be lying to me, trying to make me a laughing stock. Yes I love him, I Have since the first time I laid eyes on him. I know crazy right? Who would want me!? Who would want somebody so used and pathetic? I wouldn't Alice; I wouldn't want me if I were anyone. I have no self-confidence, no self worth, I'm tainted and depressed and every time I think things are getting a little bit better I remember.… I remember what HE did to me.. ohh Alice I can't do that again, I cant take anymore pain. I hurt so much I almost feel angry at myself for still feeling. Anything would be better than this right? Help me, Please."

She Just looked at me for a second, there were tears rolling down her face, she looked almost hearbroken.

"oh Bella!" She enveloped me into a hug.

"It's going to get better baby, I promise it will. No one in our family is against you. We love you Bella. And these feelings you're feeling are expected and you wont feel better straight away, you cant expect to heal within a few days, it's a long horrible process and you'll never forget, you'll just do your best to move past it and move on. You Isabella Marie swan, are stronger than any woman or man I know and if there's anybody who can get passed it, its you!"

I woke to the sound of music, Had I really slept all day? The dark had swept over the windows outside and all that was left was a tiny bit of brightness left from the moon.

When I made it down stairs I found Tanya slumped across a grinning Edwards Lap, he looked up at me and winked.

"Feeling better Love?"

I looked up at him, he seemed genuine.

"Yeah I erm I think i had too much sugar from the pancakes or something.." Lame excuse.

"So Bella, Tanya's going to stay a couple of days since she travelled all the way down here." Edward said with ease.

A shiver descended my spine.


End file.
